The Digital Dictionary Bookmark

The Digital Dictionary Bookmark Changed My Life!

We all need a dictionary at some point, don’t we? For instance, when you’re reading in your most comfortable reading chair and you run across a word like parsimony. Like many avid readers you probably have an old dictionary nearby. It’s probably battered and torn and maybe even missing the cover. Useful, but not something you would want seen out of the house.

But, what if you are out at a coffee shop and run across a word like parsimony? Do you carry around your dilapidated dictionary for situations like this? Of course not. It would be like wearing your pajamas in public! Those flannel pants are fine when you are hanging out around the house, mostly likely reading, but not when you are past your front door.

How do you get around this dire situation?

The electronic dictionary bookmark.

Electronic Dictionary Bookmark

It’s a revolutionary tool that allows you to have a dictionary at your fingertips for those times when you run across that dang parsimony word. And without the embarrassment of carrying a molding coverless three pound dictionary with you everywhere. The dictionary bookmark is the yoga pants of books. You wouldn’t dream of wearing your pajama pants outside of the house, but it is completely acceptable to wear yoga pants which are pretty much just as comfortable.

Now, when you are enjoying that steaming americano and need to clarify a word all you need to do is discreetly type away on your bookmark.

Now I’m a parsimonious guy, very parsimonious, but I can tell you that the high price of this bookmark is well worth the money. It’s changed my life. I can now read in public. Freedom! Can you put a price on that?

Mathew Smith - Dictionary User

When Inspiration Strikes

When inspiration strikes, you become resourceful.

This was the only paper I had

Sitting in the man-van and waiting is a normal part of my day - I'm the Dad-taxi right now. Which is a great time of life for someone like me. I don't get bored. If I have to wait five minutes, fifteen minutes, whatever amount of minutes, for someone to be done their part-time job shift, or their baseball game...I don't mind. I take the time to sit and think. 

The other day I was going over the opening to a new story I'm working on. It sounded so good in my head that I had to put it down on paper. I knew if I didn't do that right away, my masterpiece would be gone and never return. My man-van is usually stocked full of paper (sometimes referred to as junk or garbage), but that day it was bare.

Had I cleaned? Where were the old, crusty, coffee stained notebooks that sit in the car for months on end, getting stepped on with muddy boots, and sun faded by the blistering summer rays?

All I had was a Sudoku book. When in a MacGyver situation, do what MacGyver would do. I looked through the Sudoku book and found the title page was almost empty. Hah, I'd found a place to write. 

Now to find a pen. Just like the paper situation, we were all clear of pens. I found an old marker. It worked.

Thank goodness, because what I had to put down on paper at that moment was pure gold!

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Universe Of Humour

My special notes!

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

I have a worn out version of the 'Guide' that I've been reading and rereading for decades now. I really should get a new copy, I can barely stand to touch this one, what with the coffee stains and the notes I put in the margins.

Oooh, special margin notes!

I've only written in one book in my life. This book. I found the book so inspiring that it caused me to deface and vandalize a perfectly good book. I think at some points in my life I thought I could add some extra humour to this masterfully humourous book. Let's see how good or bad my thoughts were.

Adding extras to the Hitchiker's Guide.

The best quote in the entire book is on this page - "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."

OMG that is hilarious. Doesn't it just describe so much about the Vogon's ship (and their species), and about the tone and humour of the entire book?

It's so funny too because it sounds like one of those terrible similies that all the how to books and writing classes would tell you to avoid, never use, flush down the toilet and never mention no matter how long you live!

I love it.

So, here is where I get 'funny' and add in a few lines of my own. The bottom paragraph of page 36 is going on about the noise coming from everything in the world, from tin cans to wine glasses. I added a little piece about old Uncle Bernie's according, hearing aid, and even pace maker started making the noise. But poor Bernie didn't get to hear (on account of his deafness, or the pace maker stopped working...take it how you will). 

Funny? Maybe to some.

There are a few other tidbits on page 37 that have some promise. "The PA died away" (with a click like the crunch of a cockroach under a shoe). That is just a bit overdone, and disgusting. CUT!

Let's move onto another section of the book.

Hitchhiker's Guide with funny notes

I love this scene. You have a Vogon trying to get Arthur and Ford off the ship. His job is to throw these stowaways into the garbage chute (pretty much) and send them into space. He is not the brightest bulb on the ship and Ford is trying to talk his way out of this deadly situation.

What I thought would be funny was to add a few more hints of why this Vogon didn't like his job. First, his Great Aunt thought he should be a crewmate. Anything to do with Great Aunts and Great Uncles is funny to me. Also, I threw in a joke about this Vogon really wanting to be a florist. I'm pretty sure I was harking back to the Police Academy movies. Remember that big guy, Hightower? He wanted to be a florist. This is a similar situation. We have a big, smelly, uncivilized alien who is supposed to be tough and rugged, but really wants to be a florist. Damn that is funny!

The last note I have might actually work. They are being thrown into a chamber that will shoot them out in to space. Instead of being a bare room it could be something funnier, like a cheap motel room? Okay, maybe that needs some tweaking, but it could work.

I will share one last masterpiece before I let you leave this torture session.

Douglas Adams, please don't be offended

Here is another great one - the characters are going through time/space. How do you describe that? How about saying it feels like a Swedish massage by Helga. Once you add the name Helga or Olga it instantly turns funny. 

On page 87 I actually laughed at my own joke here. The characters are reforming after their trip through space/time, and there are slight problems. Arthur is missing a limb or two for a moment. I thought it would be funny if when they do reappear he says, "it's all right, I've got them back" (no, no, hold on, I've got two lefts). Guffaw!

Oh and at the bottom there I thought it would add a bit of a chuckle if Adam's had described the pink colour of the cubicle with a little more detail. What exact shade of pink? There are so many shades, and so many funny names attached to the colour pink. Pepto pink? Pink Elephant Pink? Piggy Pink?

All in good spirit. This book is such a great example of well written comedy and has been an inspiring book for those with a good sense of humour. Like me.