The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy - Douglas Adams

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Universe Of Humour

My special notes!

The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

I have a worn out version of the 'Guide' that I've been reading and rereading for decades now. I really should get a new copy, I can barely stand to touch this one, what with the coffee stains and the notes I put in the margins.

Oooh, special margin notes!

I've only written in one book in my life. This book. I found the book so inspiring that it caused me to deface and vandalize a perfectly good book. I think at some points in my life I thought I could add some extra humour to this masterfully humourous book. Let's see how good or bad my thoughts were.

Adding extras to the Hitchiker's Guide.

The best quote in the entire book is on this page - "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."

OMG that is hilarious. Doesn't it just describe so much about the Vogon's ship (and their species), and about the tone and humour of the entire book?

It's so funny too because it sounds like one of those terrible similies that all the how to books and writing classes would tell you to avoid, never use, flush down the toilet and never mention no matter how long you live!

I love it.

So, here is where I get 'funny' and add in a few lines of my own. The bottom paragraph of page 36 is going on about the noise coming from everything in the world, from tin cans to wine glasses. I added a little piece about old Uncle Bernie's according, hearing aid, and even pace maker started making the noise. But poor Bernie didn't get to hear (on account of his deafness, or the pace maker stopped working...take it how you will). 

Funny? Maybe to some.

There are a few other tidbits on page 37 that have some promise. "The PA died away" (with a click like the crunch of a cockroach under a shoe). That is just a bit overdone, and disgusting. CUT!

Let's move onto another section of the book.

Hitchhiker's Guide with funny notes

I love this scene. You have a Vogon trying to get Arthur and Ford off the ship. His job is to throw these stowaways into the garbage chute (pretty much) and send them into space. He is not the brightest bulb on the ship and Ford is trying to talk his way out of this deadly situation.

What I thought would be funny was to add a few more hints of why this Vogon didn't like his job. First, his Great Aunt thought he should be a crewmate. Anything to do with Great Aunts and Great Uncles is funny to me. Also, I threw in a joke about this Vogon really wanting to be a florist. I'm pretty sure I was harking back to the Police Academy movies. Remember that big guy, Hightower? He wanted to be a florist. This is a similar situation. We have a big, smelly, uncivilized alien who is supposed to be tough and rugged, but really wants to be a florist. Damn that is funny!

The last note I have might actually work. They are being thrown into a chamber that will shoot them out in to space. Instead of being a bare room it could be something funnier, like a cheap motel room? Okay, maybe that needs some tweaking, but it could work.

I will share one last masterpiece before I let you leave this torture session.

Douglas Adams, please don't be offended

Here is another great one - the characters are going through time/space. How do you describe that? How about saying it feels like a Swedish massage by Helga. Once you add the name Helga or Olga it instantly turns funny. 

On page 87 I actually laughed at my own joke here. The characters are reforming after their trip through space/time, and there are slight problems. Arthur is missing a limb or two for a moment. I thought it would be funny if when they do reappear he says, "it's all right, I've got them back" (no, no, hold on, I've got two lefts). Guffaw!

Oh and at the bottom there I thought it would add a bit of a chuckle if Adam's had described the pink colour of the cubicle with a little more detail. What exact shade of pink? There are so many shades, and so many funny names attached to the colour pink. Pepto pink? Pink Elephant Pink? Piggy Pink?

All in good spirit. This book is such a great example of well written comedy and has been an inspiring book for those with a good sense of humour. Like me.

The Elements of Style - Strunk & White

The Elements of Style

The Elements of Style by Strunk and White

William Strunk Jr & E.B. White

A must read for anyone writing anything in the English language. 

It is amazing that Shrunk wrote this in 1919 and it's still relevant today. Why? B/c he took pity on the reader. Reading is not an easy thing when thrown a jumble of words – which is where his rules and principles come into play. He stresses clarity, so readers can just read and not have to work at it. This kind of goal is timeless.

This book will give you a run down of the rules of writing – punctuation, tense, and the frequently debated possessive apostrophe when the subject ends with an S! Don’t get me started on that!

These rules are also something you can get from other how-to-write books, basic grammar books, that kind of thing. You will also pick up these rules while reading. Which is why you must read a lot, and read a variety of writing styles and authors.

If you can get past this first section of The Elements of Style (which is a must-know, but dry and academic), you will be rewarded with tips on how to write better, more clear, and with timeless style (as the title implies).

Punctuation works!

It is the second section, the principles of composition, that are more up the creative writer’s alley.

I'll highlight a few that I found particularly relevant:

Principle 12 – Plan ahead – choose a design and stick to it. 

Most forms of composition have structure. “The skeleton to which the writer brings the flesh and the blood. The more clearly the writer perceives the shape, the better are the chances of success.”

Principle 13 – Make the paragraph the unit of composition.

A single idea fits nicely into a paragraph. 

Breaking up the writing is used to help the reader. 

When you move on from that single idea, that is when you start a new paragraph. This is a sign to the reader: we are moving onto a new idea.

Optics come into play as well. Long blocks of writing can look formidable to a reader. This is where the art/craft of writing comes into play. You can break theses walls of prose into bricks that are not as intimidating looking and easier for the reader to work with.

Typically dialogue is broken up into new paragraphs each time a new character speaks. However, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes authors will keep a conversation of characters together in one paragraph. Eg. When there is a question and quick answer by another character.

Principle 14 – Use the Active voice.

This means putting the subject before the verb. You say who is doing what. The subject is actively doing some verb.

Spinning it around turns it passive. The verb is happening to the subject.

Read that again - the verb is happening to the subject...make sense?

Again, this is a general rule that works great 90% of the time. But, sometimes you want a different tone or feel to your writing, and a passive voice will sound more like what you are looking for. 

Principle 16 – Use definite, specific, concrete language.

In most cases be specific instead of general. This does not mean give every detail possible, but when details are given they are to be accurate and vivid, allowing the reader to imagine the scene (or better yet, themselves in the scene).

Principle 17 – Omit needless words.

“A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine have no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short, or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.”

You’ll run across all kinds of quotes from writer like Mark Twain, Stephen King, etc that bang this home. My opinion is again, 90% of the time this is true, but you have an ear to your writing. Trust that ear. If you want to add an extra word or two, maybe a redundant opening to a sentence…go right ahead. But, do it sparingly.

Omit needless words

The final section of the book is "Words and Expressions Commonly Misused."

20 pages full of words and phrases that must have come up so often to a College prof like Strunk that he felt he needed to write them all down. I can attest, there are few in there I could see myself using wrong. Sometimes you just don't know that phrases like To Make Ends Meat (are not actually about being so down and out that you need to use the cut off pieces of meat to survive), are actually To Make Ends Meet. You don't want to submit a piece of writing with a noob error like this. Which is why going through this short and sweet manual is something all writers must do, and do early, and maybe every few years as well.

To make ends meat

Island by Aldous Huxley

Island

Island by Aldous Huxley

- Aldous Huxley -

I think I wasn't in the mood to read this.

This book had been calling me for a few years now. It was sitting on the shelf in the library, in the same spot, in it's ragged form, for years now. It looked to me like nobody had taken this book out in decades. I had read Brave New World and liked it, and recently I ran across a few references to Island. That (and a lack of other books in hand) made me borrow the book.

I knew the general idea - a Utopian island. It started out okay with a shipwreck, some talking parrots, and an introduction to a new society. An isolated society built on the principles of doing what didn't work in the rest of the world (and specifically European society). 

The writing was detailed and flowery (especially the details about the flowers). So, it was a slow read. But then it got even slower when Huxley started explaining the Utopian society. It felt like a personal rant on things he didn't like, and thought he could do better with. Things like medicine, spiritual tranquility, the role of work in one's life, industrialization, Capitalism...it went from shipwreck to political theory in a few chapters. Action to political theory. I had to put the book down. It felt like Huxley was preaching, was being selfish, and not really moving the story along. Which is a bit of a let down since I had really enjoyed Brave New World. I assumed it would have been similar. 

Oh well, I gave it a shot. I will say it wasn't really the writing or the story that turned me off. It was just personal taste I suppose. There were some great ideas in there. But, a lot of words too (as in huge blocks of conversation preaching about how bad things are in the world). This may be just the book for you. So, don't take my opinion and go with it, there are plenty of other great reviews to consider before mine.

I had also just come off a binge of the HBO documentary - The Anarchists. So I was probably at my brain capacity for extreme political ideas.

The Blake Snyder Beat Sheet

Using a beat sheet

My Beat Sheet

I'm trying something new.

The Beat Sheet.

I've been very lucky (and ignorant) with my writing for a long time. I've never outlined my plots, used a three act system, or anything like that. I've just naturally written in that style - an opening, a problem, a climax solution, and an ending. And it's worked out for me. Probably b/c I've kept the story simple, or copied (aka been heavily influenced) by other's writing/stories.

But, I'm always looking for ways to get better. I ran across talk about The Beat Sheet and it made sense to me. Like I said earlier, this kind of plot structure is how I seem to naturally write. However, what I really hoped to get out of this sheet was organization.

Side Note: I guess the Blake Snyder Beat Sheet was originally set up for movie scripts, but it works well for any kind of story. There is a book called Save The Cat! that outlines the method in detail. I only took the basics.

I'm a mess when it comes to organizing. Trying to juggle multiple projects, submissions, rejections, and more complex stories, really slows the brain power down. I need to unload some of my thinking onto paper. In comes the Beat Sheet.

Now instead of trying to keep track of characters, Plot A, Plot B, where they are, where they are going, etc. I tried writing it out within this Beat Sheet system.

It seemed to work well for the general story line. And the best part is that it is written down. I can delete all that info from my brain and hopefully use that brain space to finish up some other projects. I'll come back to this when I'm ready. The best part is that I'll have a great head start.

That's my problem - too many ideas. If I don't write them down I'll forget them. In order to NOT forget them, I have to constantly think about them. So when I write them down, I might as well do it in a format that is going to help organize it. Make sense? 

I will let you know if this Beat Sheet works for me. I'm hoping to get to this project in the next few weeks...but being such an optimist I might be over estimating. It could be in six months from now!

Old Babes in the Wood - Margaret Atwood

 OLD BABES IN THE WOOD : STORIES

- Margaret Atwood -

First point, which is very exciting to any book reader and library patron...I was the first person to borrow the book from our library. The first hands on a library book! The first fingers to stain the pages b/c I was eating ketchup chips while reading. Isn't that unreal!?

Second point, this book is classic Atwood. By that I mean the writing is superb. I read through this book in a few days, and even though the stories were not my favourite genre or topic, the writing kept me hooked and had me turning the pages .

I knew this book was a collection of stories. I'm okay with that. I like to read a collection of short stories every once in a while. The slight difference with Old Babes in the Wood was that the stories were mostly about the life and times of Tig and Nell. You could describe this book as a novelette about Tig and Nell, with a sprinkling of other short stories placed in between chapters.

I'll cover the majority of the book by saying the Tig and Nell stories were interesting. They seemed to be a look at the life cycle of a long term couple. There is a beginning, a middle age, and then death. It felt to me like Atwood spent a lot of time on the dealing with death, the life of an elder, the waiting for your own death...a lot of space was taken up on life's finale. Perhaps as she ages, Atwood decided it was time to share her perspective, experience, and deep thoughts on The End.

Even though the topic of death, dying, old age, and mourning are not pleasant, invigorating, or something I think about often, Atwood did a great job of keeping my attention. 

The other short stories were a mixed bag, as happens in most short story collections. Some grabbed my attention while others I have already forgotten about. My favourite short was Atwood's interview with George Orwell's ghost. I'm a fan of Orwell & Dystopian books (like the Handmaid's Tale), so I took to it quickly. It was fun too. Not a page full of dense prose, but more of a conversation of casual jokes, awkward pauses, and clever insights.

There was another short story I can recall, about a snail's soul becoming trapped in a human body...yeah, that was an experimental thought that probably didn't need to be published. But, I bet there are some out there that love this kind of stuff. That's what's great about short story collections. The chance for writer's to throw out the weird and wacky, in small doses.

What I felt was missing from the collection was a dystopian type story. My favourite books by Atwood are The Handmaid's Tale, Oryx and Crake...you know? The post apocalyptic / dystopian novels. That's one of the reasons I actually took the book out of the library in the first place. Oh well, can't win them all.

A side note about the title. Not sure if this was a coincidence, but as I was googling 'Old Babes In The Woods' a bunch of results came up about a mysterious murder in Stanley Park (Vancouver). Two girls bodies were found years after they went missing.  

 The Floating Admiral

The Floating Admiral

- Mystery Group -

What an interesting writing exercise - take a group of top mystery novelists and have them each write one chapter of a book...without knowing the ending/solution. That is essential what happened to make The Floating Admiral.

At first I thought this was an Agatha Christie book, as her name is displayed very prominently on the front cover. Even after seeing a couple of other names underneath Her's (in smaller font I'll point out), I still had the strong impression that this was an Agatha Christie book, but maybe she had a little help writing it.

Nope. Agatha only writes one chapter, just like all the other authors. What a marketing grab!

After figuring out that Christie was not main mind behind the book, I decided to give it a shot and read it anyway.

The overall book / story was okay. A typical murder mystery. A smart detective, a few well placed clues, a bunch of red herrings, and a nice little wrap up at the end. 

What was actually surprising to me was that the book flowed so well, all the way through, considering it was written by like 20 different people, each only doing one small bit. 

The authors also gave an explanation to their chapter. What they thought was the final solution to the murder of the Admiral. Wow, did some of the authors really miss the mark!

What was really interesting to me was the small differences between the chapters - the actual writing. Some authors focused on the clues, some on the relationships, some on the environment. The dialogue was different every chapter too. Some chapters were full of witty conversations. Others, almost bare. You really get a feel for every author's style and tone when you have a chance to compare them side by side, chapter by chapter. Very, very interesting.

On The Road by Jack Kerouac

 ON THE ROAD

On The Road by Jack Kerouac

- Jack Kerouac - 

I am not sure why this book is a 'must read' on so many lists?

It was fine. I finished it, which means it must have been decent. But, a 'must read'...I'm not sure about that.

To me the highlight of the book was Kerouac's description of a jazz band playing...but, like a Jazz jam, the book was a chaotic mess. With no direction, a changing beat, a riff that takes a completely different tangent, and then repeat it all again.

Essentially Jack writes about going across the country and back a multitude of times. Your classic road trip story. The main character (Sal...which I think is actually an autobiographical Jack Kerouac) is young, irresponsible, and looking for some sort of adventure. He meets up with like minded people. Not my kind of people, but that is fine because the wonderful thing about books and stories like this is that you get to experience a different life. The life Jack and his buddies live is one of 'living for the moment'. They don't plan anything, they just get the bug to drive across the country, so they do. They are constantly out of money from spending it all on a wild night of boozing and all the gas for driving. It gets kind of repetitive and boring after they do this a multitude of times.

The part of the book that I really did not like at all was the structure of the writing. There was almost no structure. What I mean is that Kerouac just goes...and goes... and goes...and goes...pages of random details and descriptions with almost no breaks. Few paragraphs to catch your breath. And borderline run on sentences that make you want to insert a few commas or semi colons just to keep things straight.

Even though I didn't like the structure, it fit the book. A fast paced, fly by the seat of your pants, constantly weaving tale.

So, to me at least, the book did not live up to its hype. I guess it was groundbreaking at the time, since it hit taboo topics like drugs, sleeping around, and the 'beat' culture (which to me seems to mean living on the streets? hitchiking? and overall taking no responsibility in life?). I don't think the book has aged well. But, maybe it would be a book you connect with?

I'm Glad My Mom Died - Jennette McCurdy

 I'm Glad My Mom Died

I'm Glad My Mom Died

- Jennette McCurdy -

What a story! I couldn't put this book down and read the entire thing in only two days.

Jennette gives us a behind the scenes look at her life, which is actually very sad, but she puts a dark humour twist on it (which makes it so easy to read). There are stories of dysfunction and abuse from her early years where her Mother forced her into acting, encouraged anorexia, mentally neglected and abused her...and it was a situation where Jennette thought this was just a normal part of childhood. Gotta make Mama happy, so just go along with it.

After her Mother dies Jennette is lost, directionless, and not ready for adult life. She takes to drinking, unhealthy relationships, and more eating disorders in an attempt to self medicate. That obviously doesn't work and she eventually finds her way to therapists and recovery.

Her journey is heartbreaking, but since she is looking back at it from a stable place (and with a hint of humour) it is an amazing story.

You might remember Jennette from Nickelodeon shows iCarly and Sam and Cat. My kids watched Sam and Cat...and it's just so ironic that her character on the show was a fiesty teen who loved to eat piles of junk food, when in reality she ate almost nothing (or later would binge and throw it all up).

JOURNEY TO THE UNDER GROUND WORLD - Lin Carter

 Journey To The Underground World

Journey to the under ground world

- Lin Carter -

What a pulpy looking book. A gem I found at the local thrift store, which they valued at 50 cents. After reading the book I think it's fair to say that they undervalued it. On top of the story (litearally) is the cover and illustrations, which were done by the infamous Josh Kirby (Pratchett fans out there will be familiar with his work).

The story was much better than you would expect from a cover like this. It did remind me, heavily, of that other famous journey to the centre of the earth. However, Carter's take on a world underground was that of an isolated place that had not evolve for thousands of years. Cavemen and dinosaurs still roamed the place.

The main characters become entangled in a raid between a tribe of Neanderthals and slightly more evolved cave-men? After a lot of Indiana Jones style adventures, the group finally come together...but they don't quite escape. The book leaves us on a cliffhanger, and encourages us to stay tuned for the next adventure.

Good luck finding that next adventure book.

Creativity - A Short and Cheerful Guide by John Cleese

 Creativity, A Short and Cheerful Guide

Creativity by John Cleese

- John Cleese - 

John Cleese is one creative fellow. A member of the hilarious (and creative) Monty Python gang, along with other movies, books, etc, Cleese is an expert at being creative, and he shares his secrets with us in this tiny book.

Little known fact is that Cleese was not a natural born 'creative'. If fact, he was on the path to become a lawyer (as we all know they are not creative at all, they just follow fact and rules). But, a chance meeting with an improv type group at his college saved us from another lawyer. 

Through this experience putting together some low grade sketch comedy in his dormitory, Cleese learned how to be creative, it was a skill he perfected over time. There is not a lot to it actually, which is why his book is so short. It really could have been a magazine article, or an essay, but Cleese needed the money so he marketed it as a stocking stuffer. 

There are not any new/brilliant ideas in his creative process. Pretty much he just says, let your brain do the work. The unconscious brain of course. For eg, start your creative project, be it a joke, a play, a book, a song, a new process at your work...then leave it. Sleep on it. Go for a walk. Do something else and let your brain work on it in the background. Usually if you give it enough time your mind will come up with a solution, a funny punch line, a great metaphor...whatever it is you need. YOU NEED TO BE PATIENT. 

Next, you need to do the work. You need to put pen on paper and actually start writing down your joke, book, song, etc. It's all fine and dandy to think about it, but you will not get anywhere unless you do the work and practice.

You also need to let yourself be creative. Give yourself permission to let strange, maybe even uncomfortable ideas mingle in your mind. This is how your mind makes those brilliant connections. This usually means setting up a time where you literally do nothing but think. Remove distractions, and giver your brain time to work. Again YOU NEED TO BE PATIENT.

Even though the book was short, not humorous (which I thought it might be because of Cleese), and did not have any new groundbreaking techniques, I still enjoyed it very much. It was a great motivator to keep being creative. A reminder that anyone can be creative. And a confirmation that if you have been putting in the work and letting your mind wander and being patient with the old grey cells, that things will turn out alright.

Thanks John for the mini-book...sorry I didn't get it as a stocking stuffer. I actually borrowed it from my local library.