Robert's Rules of Writing - 101 Unconventional Lessons Every Writer Needs to Know

 Robert's Rules of Writing

- Robert Masello - 

I typically cruise the library on my lunch break. I work at a local college, with a well stocked library only steps from my office, which is a real perk for a bookworm like me. Over the years I've been reading my way through the small section on creative writing, and I've recently ran across this gem. Robert's Rules of Writing.

I have no idea who Robert is. I can tell you, he thinks very highly of himself, and makes it out like he is one of those prolific writers of sit-coms and movies. One of those all-star writers who quietly type away in the background, not looking for fortune or fame, just sharing their gift of writing with the world...okay, after a quick google search I found out this guy is a prolific writer (with 20 good sized books, credits in many television shows, and other journalistic stuff).

Interesting, because I found his 101 tips to be almost common knowledge when it comes to realm of writing tips. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. I'm saying there are only so many 'tips and tricks' you can give out to aspiring writers. I think 101 is the limit. If you've read a few similar books, watched a dozen 'how-to-write' youtube videos, and spent hours looking through writer's memes, you'll have run across most of Robert's tips.

What I found most interesting about the book was the aesthetics. The ripped paper with typewriter font tips was just my style. Along with a few vertical titles and quotes and a different coloured page or two, made this book feel fresh and creative. That added to the tips, at least in my book.

Is this a must have book for writer's or aspiring writers? Sure. It does have lots (101 is a lot of tips) of valid and useful tips. It is at least a good book to read, just for the repetition of common writing ideas and the inspiration it lights in the heart of a writer.

Good job Robert. Sorry, I didn't know who you were.

The Elements of Style - Strunk & White

The Elements of Style

The Elements of Style by Strunk and White

William Strunk Jr & E.B. White

A must read for anyone writing anything in the English language. 

It is amazing that Shrunk wrote this in 1919 and it's still relevant today. Why? B/c he took pity on the reader. Reading is not an easy thing when thrown a jumble of words – which is where his rules and principles come into play. He stresses clarity, so readers can just read and not have to work at it. This kind of goal is timeless.

This book will give you a run down of the rules of writing – punctuation, tense, and the frequently debated possessive apostrophe when the subject ends with an S! Don’t get me started on that!

These rules are also something you can get from other how-to-write books, basic grammar books, that kind of thing. You will also pick up these rules while reading. Which is why you must read a lot, and read a variety of writing styles and authors.

If you can get past this first section of The Elements of Style (which is a must-know, but dry and academic), you will be rewarded with tips on how to write better, more clear, and with timeless style (as the title implies).

Punctuation works!

It is the second section, the principles of composition, that are more up the creative writer’s alley.

I'll highlight a few that I found particularly relevant:

Principle 12 – Plan ahead – choose a design and stick to it. 

Most forms of composition have structure. “The skeleton to which the writer brings the flesh and the blood. The more clearly the writer perceives the shape, the better are the chances of success.”

Principle 13 – Make the paragraph the unit of composition.

A single idea fits nicely into a paragraph. 

Breaking up the writing is used to help the reader. 

When you move on from that single idea, that is when you start a new paragraph. This is a sign to the reader: we are moving onto a new idea.

Optics come into play as well. Long blocks of writing can look formidable to a reader. This is where the art/craft of writing comes into play. You can break theses walls of prose into bricks that are not as intimidating looking and easier for the reader to work with.

Typically dialogue is broken up into new paragraphs each time a new character speaks. However, there are exceptions to this. Sometimes authors will keep a conversation of characters together in one paragraph. Eg. When there is a question and quick answer by another character.

Principle 14 – Use the Active voice.

This means putting the subject before the verb. You say who is doing what. The subject is actively doing some verb.

Spinning it around turns it passive. The verb is happening to the subject.

Read that again - the verb is happening to the subject...make sense?

Again, this is a general rule that works great 90% of the time. But, sometimes you want a different tone or feel to your writing, and a passive voice will sound more like what you are looking for. 

Principle 16 – Use definite, specific, concrete language.

In most cases be specific instead of general. This does not mean give every detail possible, but when details are given they are to be accurate and vivid, allowing the reader to imagine the scene (or better yet, themselves in the scene).

Principle 17 – Omit needless words.

“A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine have no unnecessary parts. This requires not that the writer make all sentences short, or avoid all detail and treat subjects only in outline, but that every word tell.”

You’ll run across all kinds of quotes from writer like Mark Twain, Stephen King, etc that bang this home. My opinion is again, 90% of the time this is true, but you have an ear to your writing. Trust that ear. If you want to add an extra word or two, maybe a redundant opening to a sentence…go right ahead. But, do it sparingly.

Omit needless words

The final section of the book is "Words and Expressions Commonly Misused."

20 pages full of words and phrases that must have come up so often to a College prof like Strunk that he felt he needed to write them all down. I can attest, there are few in there I could see myself using wrong. Sometimes you just don't know that phrases like To Make Ends Meat (are not actually about being so down and out that you need to use the cut off pieces of meat to survive), are actually To Make Ends Meet. You don't want to submit a piece of writing with a noob error like this. Which is why going through this short and sweet manual is something all writers must do, and do early, and maybe every few years as well.

To make ends meat

MONEYBALL - MICHAEL LEWIS

 MONEYBALL

- MICHAEL LEWIS -

You might think sports book by the title, the cover, and the general story. However, you could make a case to label this a Math/Stats book. The pages are filled with real life stories and examples on how powerful the use of stats can be...it just happens to be in baseball.

Essentially one man took a look at the stats baseball has been using for over a hundred years and threw them out the window. He started trying to find stats that he could use to find both good players and undervalued players. With this info he took the Oakland Athletics, the poorest team in baseball, and changed them from crap to a championship level team...by using only stats.

It is filled with stories of underdog players who were overlooked because they didn't fit the old school mold of a baseball player - everything from how handsome they were, to how often they walked compared to how many home runs they had. This is how baseball had been run for eons. The thinking was almost all 'gut feelings' and 'the looks' of a guy. The typical stats that were kept did not have much merit when actually valuing a player, they just happen to be what people kept track of when baseball first started. It turns out with a new way of thinking and tracking (using advanced stats) the ugly, 'boring', players came at a cheap price...and when combined together they made a great team. Throw out the old RBI and batting average and bring in the on-base-percentage and slugging average to find some diamonds in the rough. Apparently this has started a new philosophy in baseball, turning the old boys club on it's head and letting some of the number nerds get in there to help out.

Moneyball theory in a nutshell

It was a great overall story of a David vs Goliath type situation, punctuated with short examples and stories of the players who didn't fit the mold. Like the club-footed pitcher who was overlooked because of his deformed foot, even though he had great stats. Or the overweight catcher who walked every chance he got. It really gave some human element to what could have been a bland story about numbers. I'd say read it before you die, even if you are not a huge sports fan.

Or, you could watch the movie - it's on Netflix. Of course, it won't be as good as the book. They never are.

How To Feed A Dictator - Witold Szablowski

- Witold Szablowski -

How To Feed A Dictator 

A very interesting book told from the point of view of the cooks of dictators such as Saddam Hussein, Fidel Castro, Pol Pot. What a different view of these dictators these cooks had. Most of the cooks seemed to have liked their dictator. They even told stories that made them sound like nice guys. How the dictators gave them cars, or how the dictators were always very thankful for the food, etc.

There were lots of stories about the madmen being irradic as well. Apparently Saddam would get into bad moods and would not eat the food. He would say it was cooked wrong and then he would make the cook pay for the food. The next day, when he was in a better mood, he would praise the food and give the cook a bonus...usually the money the cook paid for the 'bad food' from the day before. 

The relationships between dictator and cook were very dynamic. If you think about it, these dictators had to have trust in their cooks, since they could easily poison them. On the other hand, these cooks had to know exactly how to make the dictators favourite meal or they could be killed. So, a very extreme situation!

The research into this book was great. Szablowski travelled around the world to get first hand interview with the cooks. He would even talk to others closely associated with the dictator. Which made for a well rounded point of view, good background to put things into perspective, and very interesting stories you would have never heard. 

The one thing I found very strange about all of these stories was that the dictators ate very little food. Even when they had a choice of eating whatever they wanted, how much they wanted, they would not eat a whole lot. And them most interesting thing to me was that most of the dictators didn't eat much meat, they were vegetarians or very close. Strange eh?

So, a great book that takes you into a world you would never be a part of.

FREAKONOMICS - STEVEN LEVITT

FREAKONOMICS 

 

- Steven Levitt -

 
Being a business major in university I really like economics. It was just one of those things that made sense to me. As I took more and more economics classes I got past the basics and into the really interesting questions - I recall a class about tax rates and how they affected the quality of life. I remember using real data. The conclusion was that there were better and fairer ways of taxing to make life better for everyone - increase tax rates to the super rich for eg. So, why were we not doing this? It brought up other question that could not be explained by economics...it was an awesome moment for a bright, young, budding mind that wanted to change the world.

And, that is kind of scenario was what I thought Freakanomics would delve into. And, the book started that way with a look at the crime wave of the 90s and the connection with abortion laws. Wild and wacky questions for an economics book.

Then there was the economics of drug dealers - a look of the distribution of wealth and the motivations and economic realities behind drug dealing. Again, fascinating.

The numbers and data used in those examples used sounded legitimate.

But, then it got murky for me.

The next few topics such as standardized testing in the Chicago school board and proving that teachers were cheating. Boring.

And, the parenting topic. Do parents matter? No answer to that, just a look at the names parents choose. How names change over time and are statistically associated with a different class / income level of people. This struck me as common sense. I guess the point was to prove names matter more than parenting. But, I didn't feel the data was conclusive...it seemed like a picking and choosing kind of data set.

I guess in the end I was dissappointed by the book. It started out ok, but, it quickly lost its appeal to me. And, it was wordy and repetitive. Overly wordy and repetitive. I mean really, really, wordy..and repetitive.

Unless you are stuck at an airport on the way to an economics convention I'd stay clear of this book.

If you doubt me, go ahead and pick up this book on Amazon - FREAKONOMICS
 
 

AMISH COOKBOOK

THE AMISH COOK

- Elizabeth Coblentz -

Food is so interesting to me. Not just eating food, but, reading about food. I think you can learn much more about a culture, a country, a people, all by the food they eat, how they prepare it, and rituals around how they eat it.
The Amish Cookbook gives much more than than recipes, it gives you a glimpse into the ways of the Amish. The recipes and ingredients seem to be a reflection of their lifestyle - simple and nourishing. Although this book is labelled a cookbook there is so much more inside. Each recipe is accompanied by an article, written by Elizabeth, usually about the recipe. Actually, the articles would usually take off on different tangents, such as when she would typically make the dish, a bit of history on it, her memories around the dish, maybe the last time she made it and who was at her house. She often throws in tidbits about her personal life too. News about a grandchild being born, how an early frost froze her garden, about how she helped out a neighbour can some peaches. All written very blunt, simple, right to the point, without any complaints. Actually a refreshing change from the wordy, figurative, language of novels. Makes you think about how much time and effort is taken up by the frills in our modern lifestyle.

In addition to these personal pieces, there are small notes about Amish life and the events we might associate with them. There are notes about barn raising, rumspringa, the 'rules' around using modern technology like phones and cars, even a bit about the 'Dutch English' language many speak.

The recipes. Most are simple with only a few ingredients. Some, however, sound pretty odd to me. Coffee Soup anyone? It is pretty much a bowl of coffee with bread in it. There are a couple I might photocopy, especially the bread ones. It's tough finding an easy, great tasting bread recipe.

I don't know a whole lot about the Amish, but, after reading this book I feel much more informed. Knowing what people eat, how they feel about food, and some intimate stories about their personal lives is much easier to read and leaves me feeling like I know more about these people than I would if I had read a bland textbook on the subject.

RATING : READ

TWITTER FOR DUMMIES

TWITTER FOR DUMMIES

Twitter for Dummies - the quick summary. Sign up, try to make friends, and hashtags are a way of organizing things. I found actually going on Twitter and fiddling around with it was much more useful than reading the about the basics (from this outdated book). So, instead of a book review I'm going to give you a few tips I have learned while 'fiddling around on the Twitter'.

Ways to get a few quick hits.

I started using Twitter as a way to promote my blog. I thought, bah, another social media platform where I can haphazardly shout out blog links to the world and the masses will come running. That strategy did not go so well. As with any other social media site to really get the most out of it you need to form relationships.
However, my flailings on Twitter have shown me a few ways to get some quick hits. Nothing substantial or sustained, but, I have seen my blog hit count bleep up a few notches when I did some of the following things:

Hashtags (#)
First thing I found is that no matter how creative you are at making timely, detailed, unique hashtags...nobody will discover them. You need to do a little research and find popular or common hashtags in order for anyone to ever find them. Use some established hashtags that fit with your tweet. If you are hoping to get some hits back to your food blog use #food or #burgers...think of a common term that might you might use if you were searching yourself.
You can find these popular hash tags by using the search box. Type a few words or the beginnings of words and let the auto suggestion thingy give you some ideas.
Word of warning: make sure you look into these hashtags before using them. I once found a popular hashtag I thought would go great with a food post I was tweeting about. #TastyTuesday. Turns out there are many tasty things on Tuesday that are not food...as in mostly porn! Whoops. #hashtagfail
I didn't see that coming! You see the thing is, I was already overusing the hashtag #foodporn and no actual porn came up!? Ah, the naive young tweeter I was.

Using celebs
Throw a celebrity's handle ie @celeb in any tweet. You might get lucky. The celeb (or more likely their PR person) may like what you say, or maybe even like your link, and you'll win the jackpot - A Retweet...but, more often than not, only a handful of dedicated fans will notice your tweet. These are the fans who have a constant search out for any mention of @celeb . I was always surprised at how much attention my shout outs that contained an author's twitter handle would receive. Those tweets would get retweeted, favourited, and even replied too!

You can also try commenting/replying to the tweets by celebs. Again, for the most part only the hardcore fans will see you, but, if the tweet is something relevant you may get some good responses. I once commented on a tweet by the great Canadian William Shatner on the topic of his books. I pasted a link to one of my Shatner book reviews...yes, I will admit to reading William Shatner Star Trek adventures...no shame...and instantly the hits on my blog skyrocketed. I must have gotten at least fifteen! Not bad for one small comment, from a 'nobody' like me, to nobody in particular.

What's Trending
You can attempt to gain some attention by jumping on the latest trend. Twitter will even help you. Follow the topics and hashtags that are listed in that big box beside your feed labelled "TRENDING". Just by throwing in a trending word or hashtag your tweet will have a better chance of being seen. You'll get some random traffic/retweets/favourites...but, I have to tell you, it is not worth it. Keeping up with all of the trends is time consuming and quickly fades, as in here one minute and gone the next - literally. Usually the topics and hashtags are not relevant to whatever link you are trying to push anyway.

On a similar note - trending hashtag games are good traffic getters...but again, tricky to get the right blog post that relates the latest game. However, if you happen to be reviewing a movie and there is a hashtag game going on such as #changeonewordinamovietitle, you may hit the jackpot?

In the end these will not bring long term success, but, they may give you a small victory (as in a hit or two on your blog). You never know, you might strike it big like I did once (yes, I achieved the pot of gold - a celeb retweet), or find some other method of gaining attention.
If you are concerned about your brand image these kind of tweets are easy to delete. If you don't have a huge following nobody will notice. But, if you are getting some loyal groupies, these techniques might make you look a little desperate. Use these techniques at your own risk.

GIRL IN A BAND

GIRL IN A BAND

The Book - and a tea...not punk rock at all!

- KIM GORDON -

Kim Gordon, from Sonic Youth! Remember them? Remember her? She has a book out!

I loved Sonic Youth in my teens. It was the 90's. The heyday of Grunge, Punk, Alternative music. Sonic Youth was one of the bands caught up in the scene...but, they were different. Some people called their sound 'noise'. Others called it 'art'. I just thought it was cool b/c it was different. I felt cool for liking something 'different'. Also, the cassettes (yes, you could still buy cassettes in the mid 90's) were cheap. Every magazine article I read on Sonic Youth made them sound even cooler - they labelled themselves 'independent', they didn't care if their music was 'commercial', a couple of the band members were married (Kim Gordan & Thruston Moore), they experimented on their guitars to make interesting noises (taking a drills to them, or looping back the distortion to create an endless feedback loop - which really just sounds like a dying squirrel). This was all perfect fodder for a rebelling teenage mind like mine.
When I started playing guitar and making my own music I pictured myself as the next Sonic Youth (even insisting on calling our band Sonic Goo). When I listen back on the stuff I recorded it is full of feedback, distortion, and 'noise'...a Sonic Youth copycat if I ever heard one.
So, almost 20 years later when I hear Kim has a memoir out I got excited. I rushed down to the library and put a copy on reserve. I was #2 on the list - they didn't even have the book in yet! That meant I had time to get out the one old Sonic Youth CD I had left and revisit the noise. Ahh, it was awesome.
The much anticipated book was awesome as well. Not for the music reminiscing, but, for all the other stuff I didn't know about! Turns out I was a very ignorant fan of Sonic Youth and Kim Gordon.
Kim starts the book recalling one of her worst days ever. A recent reunion concert of Sonic Youth. Why was it so bad? Turns out she had to perform with Thurston Moore...who is now her ex-husband! I had no idea they were divorced. I had this vision of them being the ideal rock and roll couple. They were in the same band, making music together, they bought a house in the country where they rock out all the time. Well, it turns out their marriage was not so great. It sounds like they were very disconnected and had different life goals and values. It ended when Thurston cheated on Kim. Ouch. How did I miss this story?
As I read through this book I realized I knew absolutely nothing about Kim Gordon. I didn't realize how deep into the art scene she was, or that she was even an artist for that matter. I only knew the music side of her - the punky rock chick who played a mean bass! Turns out she doesn't even consider herself a musician.
I kept turning page after page learning more and more about Kim, completely changing my impression of her. It was an addictive read.
My only criticism of the book is the writing in the middle section. This could actually be considered more of an editing problem. Around the middle of the book Kim talks about the different albums Sonic Youth released - a chapter an album. It felt a bit repetitive, and especially when the phrase, 'at that point...' kept coming up. You'd think an editor would have caught that too?
My small critique shouldn't stop you from rushing out and grabbing a copy though. Gordon's writing is honest, raw, passionate (all those buzzwords) and interesting to read. All you Sonic Youth fans that are now in your 30s and 40s now, come on, relive your youth a bit!

RATING: READ

WAITER RANT

WAITER RANT:

Thanks for the Tip - Confessions of a cynical waiter

- Steve Dublanica -

I judged this book by its cover - it stood out! On a shelf at the library, surrounded by mundane food related books, it caught my eye. I noticed the quote on the cover from Anthony Bourdain. I thought, if this book is anything like Bourdain's books I'll love it.
It was no Kitchen Confidential, but, the Waiter Rant was ok. It gave me the basics of what I expected - a behind the scenes peek into the life of the wait staff. I learned a lot about what holidays are like to waiters, how not to make and break reservations, and what the minimum level of tipping is required before you are called a bad name. The rest of the book was a mix of stories, highlighting the terrible behavior some customers exhibit. The running theme was that some diners thought themselves superior to the lowly serving staff. The way it was written could have come across as whiny, which most reviewers have commented about, however, I did not view it that way. I saw it as a working mans rant about the world he was throw into. 
If you like memoirs on anything foodie, you'll love this. If you cannot stand books with characters who complain, then do not order this book.

RATING : READ

A COOK'S TOUR

A COOK'S TOUR

- Anthony Bourdain -

Bourdain pulled it off again! Another 'Must Read' book I'd recommend to anyone.
The concept is pretty basic - he travels the world in search of the perfect meal. From the refined tables of France to the dirty slums of some hideous sounding Asian country, he really does go everywhere. This is the book version of his TV show - No Reservations. Or, at least the first season. But, as any bookworm knows the book is always better than the movie.
Now, I liked No Reservations (the TV show), but, I really, really, really liked A Cook's Tour. Bourdain gives us the backstory, and the truth behind each episode he filmed. What you see on TV is not really how it happened, or at least how Bourdain felt it happened. He may be smiling to the camera, but, he was often homesick, filled with guilt, or wracked with depression.
This book is great because it is so honest. Bourdain is not a chipper chicken the entire time. If he doesn't like something he'll let you know. On the other hand, if he says the sheep testicles are one of the best things he's tasted - then they probably are.
I also liked that he revealed his true feelings about some of the places: That France did not live up to his childhood memories. That some Japanese delicacies almost made him vomit. That he sometimes felt like a stereotypical bumbling American that would never really be able to understand another culture.
He gave it a good try though. As a tour guide he was good. As a food guide he was excellent. His trip around the world was a true adventure. He didn't always stick to the beaten path. He has a good knack for describing things so well, in a somewhat crude way sometimes. It made for a fun read.

RATING : READ

ON WRITING

ON WRITING

A Memoir on the Craft

- Stephen King -

This book was not scary.

For all the hype about this best selling 'king' of horror...On Writing did not do much to incite any feelings of fear in me. By the time I was done this book I was feeling unscared (if that is even a word?). On the contrary, I was feeling motivated to take on the immense challenge of writing a novel!
King was very, 'ra ra you can do it', telling the readers that there is nothing to fear in the world of writing - it is in fact boundaryless, ruleless, and sets your mind free. That doesn't sound scary at all. Especially if you follow the writing tips he lays out - write for yourself, get a good editor, and practice practice practice. The only thing missing from the chapter on his personal writing process was a rainbow and a unicorn.

Really, the only part of the book that was the least bit scary was the ending when King gets hit by a van. But, it was not like the van was possessed by the devil, it was driven by some hillbilly guy with a bad driving record. I assumed by the novel's title that King would be eaten by a book he was writing, or it would take over his mind and make him kill the neighbours. But, none of that happened. Instead King wrote about typing away on a card table in the laundry room and being addicted to crack cocaine. Imagine that!

If you are looking for a decent book about writing for a living this would be up your alley. If you are looking for a book about a best selling author going insane, or a possessed book coming alive and driving vans over writers taking walks at dusk along the highway - not in the cards.

Rating: READ

THE LONELY END OF THE RINK

THE LONELY END OF THE RINK

- Grant Lawrence -

Grant has another book - Adventures in Solitude - which I really enjoyed reading, so when I heard he had this new 'hockey' book I instantly ran out...you thought I might say, ran out and bought the book. No, sorry, I'm kind of cheap. Instead I put the book in the upper half of my mental list of books to read at some point in life. Only a month or so later something clicked in me and I went to the library and found the book. Strangely enough it was in. I thought it would be on backorder, reserved by two dozen people, ETA of approx three years...guess I overestimated Grant's popularity. At least in my mind he is that high in demand. Why? Because, he is an awesome writer. An awesome Canadian writer!

What could be more Canadian than hockey? Boreal Forests you say? Maybe. Arctic stuff. Sure. But, let's stick with hockey shall we? Me, being a good ol' Canadian male, love to watch me a good hockey game - and even read me a good hockey book. However, this was not always the case. That is why this book resonated with me.

Grant's relationship with hockey is similar to so many non-athletic boys who grew up in the great white north. It's a Love/Hate/Love again kind of relationship. Like Grant, I was one of those kids who was more interested in looking at bugs or reading a good Tin Tin book then freezing my baguettes off playing hockey on a bumpy frozen pond. I was never involved in organized hockey, heck, I didn't even know what hockey was until I was five or six - shameful Canadian, I know.

Then, just like Grant, the time came when I discovered ball hockey. It is an almost universal school age rite of passage for little boys - becoming addicted to road hockey and playing every chance you get (mostly recess time at school). This one track thinking rules your pretween life and often leads you deeper into the world of hockey. You start paying attention to the NHL, and eventually you pick a team to support wholeheartedly. Vancouver was Grant's team, Toronto was mine.

Then you hit high school and things change. Just like in Grant's book, it seems the bullies are always those hockey jocks, wearing their hockey jackets with a number stitched into the shoulder. This tarnishes the image of hockey, or at least grassroots hockey. You still loyally support your NHL team, but, at the same time you despise the local AAA team. It is quite a juxtaposition.
Eventually, when you get to that comfortable adult stage, the idea of hockey changes again. Maybe you have a kid who wants to play, or you have new friends (not bullies) who play in 'beer leagues'...and now you secretly wish you had taken up hockey in your youth. Or, that you could even just have that same kind of fun like when you played road hockey with your school chums on the playground. Well, Grant did this. He found there are many, many, like minded people out there. The art and band geeks are forming hockey leagues where the focus is not on winning or losing, but, just having fun...and maybe winning a trophy. It sounds utopian, especially to a bookworm like me.

Along with this psychiatrist inducing rehash of memories, Grant also gives us a great history of his team - the Vancouver Canucks. Everything from their fashionable flying V jerseys to their game seven Stanley Cup Final losses (yes, plural. They have lost the game seven final twice...ouch). Even though I was not a big Vancouver fan in the 90's, I do remember some of the more memorable moments...like Pavel Bure's game seven double overtime breakaway goal against Calgary. I was babysitting some neighborhood kids and their Mother must have been out partying hard b/c that double overtime game went into the wee hours of the morning, 2 or 3 am my time...and I remember watching it and cheering (I was a big Pavel Bure fan - I had so many of his hockey cards).

What I really love about Grant's writing is all of the pop culture references, and I really love how most of them are Canadian. Where else can you find a reference to Mr. Dress Up? Or a wish to hear some Raffi. Or, stories based on the life lessons learned from Coaches Corner? It's Canadiana at it's best.
Great book Grant. I really hope you put out more...I'll be sure to buy, er, I mean borrow them from the library. Sorry, like I said, I'm cheap.

RATING: READ

COLD ANTLER FARM

COLD ANTLER FARM

&

ONE WOMAN FARM

 

- Jenna Woginrich - 

Both of these Jenna Woginrich books are so well written they are hard to accurately describe. The writing and choice of words are a mixed bag. At points they are poetic and overly romanticize farm life, yet, at the same time hint at the drudgery and hardships that come along with this homesteading lifestyle. The bright side constantly prevails, which makes these books seem uplifting and inspiring. This is a woman living her dream life - of course she is going to make it sound like candy and roses. I like that. I like that you can almost feel the passion she has for her farm, her animals, her new lifestyle, no matter what obstacles get in the way.
She sounds happy, which is nice to read.
She sounds proud, which is nice to read.
She wants everyone to feel the same way she does - which is really nice to read.

Now, I'm not a big animal lover, but, Jenna is. She raves about her livestock, tells stories about their behaviours and how they have changed her life...something I am typically not that interested in. Yet, the way she writes about the animals is exactly how I write about my children. They are brag tales. They are short snippets of how life has changed when you add another being to your life, a being that is solely dependant on you. She talks over and over about how she puts her livestock above her, which is exactly how I feel about my children. What an epiphany for me. I'm still not interested in owning a goat, or a sheep, or even a chicken, but, I think my mind is a bit more open to those that do.

To sum these books up; uplifting, positive, relateable, readable, interesting...great!

RATING : READ

Jenna blogs at http://coldantlerfarm.blogspot.ca/

BOSSYPANTS

BOSSYPANTS

- Tina Fey -

Months and months ago we borrowed a couple of humourous books from a friend of ours: 1) Sh*t my Dad Says (to save typing I will call this book Sh*t through the rest of the review) & 2) Bossypants.

1) Sh*t ... was read right away to rave reviews. Both my wife and I laughed and laughed, reading passages out loud to one another, and we still paraphrase it from time to time. Grade A+ on LOLs and ranked as one of the funniest books read in 2013!

2) Bossypant had another adventure, mostly sitting on the bookshelf looking pretty. Until last month, when I finally got around to cracking it open.

Now, being borrowed at the same time my little brain has filed these books under the same heading - humour book borrowed from X. Therefore, while reading Bossypants I was constantly comparing it to Sh*t... , even though they are vastly different books in style and content. That is just how my brain works I guess, rightly or wrongly.

Onto Bossypants. This book was a very well written humour book, not as packed with laughs as Sh*t but still laughtastic. An account of Tina Fey's raise to stardom...er, class B celebrity status, whatever. Pages and paragraphs, chapters and lists, of lighthearted and intelligent joke filled prose. What the book lacked in substance it made up for in tidbits of quirky jokes and play on words.

The actual story of Tina Fey's career is, um, not action packed. No suspense, no rags to riches story. Not even a lot of struggle. I have to give credit to Tina here for taking the road less travelled, by releasing a book that does not rely on crude humour or attack humour (ie name calling of easy targets like Rachel Ray). Finally, a funny book on the bookshelf that does not deal with drugs or one night stands. She even threw in a serious theme for good measure - feminism. Constantly reinforcing that women can do anything, even get into the male dominated world of comedy.

I really enjoyed the way Tina managed to get her feminist agenda into the book. It wasn't overly aggressive, just mixed in subtly in a very feminine way. Like Mama would flavour a nice soup. There were even refreshingly truthful passages about how life on the 'top' is not all that great and even while you may look successful, balancing life, work, and children does not always happen.

Overall, it was a good read - positive & funny...even with that feminist ranting going on in the background

RATING : READ

CROSSING THE LINE

CROSSING THE LINE

- Derek Sanderson -

Another hockey memoir from a player who had it all...then lost it because of drinking and drugs.
I can't get enough of these type of books, I loved Theo Fleury's Playing With Fire and Bob Probert's Tough Guy: My Life on the Edge, which were essentially the same kind of story. A tough hockey player makes it to the NHL, makes rookie of the year, has a bright future, then for some reason takes to drinking and drugs and gets kicked out of the league. They are a bit sad, and at points frustrating (b/c you can see where the drinking is taking them), but they are interesting reads because the lifestyle is so far removed from mine. It's like they take place in a different world.
I had no idea who Derek Sanderson was before I read this book. I vaguely knew about the success the Boston Bruins had in the 70's with players like Bobby Orr and Phil Esposito. I had no idea what hockey was really like back then.
Turns out, at least according to Derek's versions, the game sounded ten times more violent than today's games. Frequent bench brawls, stick swinging, lots of fights, and a culture of being rough & tough. That was the way to win, and that was the way Derek played. The behind the scenes stuff sounded almost unbelievable as well. They would all smoke in between periods, go out drinking when then game was done, and only workout a week before the season started.
The main topic of the book, of course, was Derek and his crazy life. Apparently, he had a knack for saying outrageous things to the media, exaggerating the fast life he lived (dating playgirls and owning a rolls royce for instance), and playing hockey with a feisty spark that caught fan's attention. He was not the star hockey player who scored the most, but, he was pretty good with his hands and gave a good show with his fists.
Underneath this larger than life personality was an insecure, fearful, pretty modest guy. Which is why, according to Derek, he started drinking. It was his way of coping with his fears. Well, the drinking kept getting worse and eventually it caught up to him. As a reader you could see it coming and knew he was going to lose it all and just wanted to shake some sense into him. As it turned out when he hit rock bottom it was worse that you'd think. On top of admitting to himself he was an alcoholic he found out he had a corrupt lawyer who was in charge of his finances and cleaned him out. So, the millions he had made were gone. Sanderson ended up living on the streets for a short time, penniless and to proud to go home and ask for help.
It took a near death experience before he found God and changed his ways. From there, the book wraps up with a brief history of his after hockey life.
This is one of those books that I'd say is good, but, only b/c I'm a hockey fan. If you are not a fan of the game, well, three quarters of the book will be mind numbing he-shoots-he-scores kind of stuff, interlaced with only brief off rink debauchery. So, I give this book a 'READ' rating for all the hockey fans out there, and a 'Do Not Read' for all the non-fans.

RATING : READ

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

- Christian Lander -

I know the title is not politically correct, therefore, what I'm about to say is probably not politically correct either, but, here goes - I'm soooo white!

So white, in fact, that I needed a book to tell me I am. Isn't that just the white way?

This book is a list of, as the title claims, Stuff White People Like. It is set up as a sort of guide to white culture, befriending whites, and a 'how-to' blend in at all white social functions. To me, it was non stop fun and laughter - which is hard to come by in book format. My experience was this: me reading one of the 'likes', laughing, then having to stop and reread the passages out loud to my wife, where we would then laugh together and discuss how true (and sad) all the 'likes' were.

For eg. Camping. 

If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”
When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.
Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs...Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.
Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.
Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

SO TRUE!!! 

Now imagine reading 150 of those type of entries. Laugh-fest is what I would call it.

It actually does get a bit repetitive after you've read a good mittful (organic food comes up over and over), but, persevere because you'll run across another jewel that will strike you as laugh-till-you-cramp funny.

Then to top it off there is a test at the end to determine how 'white' you are. I'm just over 50% white...mostly b/c I'm not that big into indie rock and film...but, I feel whiter than white deep down in my heart.

In reality, the title could have been Stuff North American's like, or Stuff Over Educated Middle Class People Like, either way, the entire book took a really hard look at some of the things we do or like that could be simple, but, have turned into expensive complicated things. Yoga in theory is just stretching, but, nowadays it involves mats and classes and expensive pants. It's funny to laugh at the ridiculous amounts people spend on Lululemon pants...especially if you are wearing a pair yourself.

I'm certain this book would be funny for all ages, races, and genders...inclusion and diversity, another white like...so go out to your local book store, buy an overpriced coffee while you are there, and grab this book. Maybe next Sunday after brunch?

Or, the simple and inexpensive way to read the list is to go to the website - http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

RATING : READ*

*I listed this as non-fiction, that could be debated.

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

- David Sedaris -

A strange trip through David's life. One of those essay type memoirs with a mix of childhood stories, then a bounce to adulthood to recount David's trips to France where he attempted to learn the French language. It would have to be filed under 'Humour', but, I found it kind of lacked laughability.
Depending on how you look at your childhood it can be funny. I'm sure we all have stories about how strange our parents behaved, or that time you innocently said something completely inappropriate, or that you had a lisp.
Sedaris had a lisp. He talks all about it. Then he moves onto how, no matter how hard he tried, he could never grasp the French language - even when he moved to France and spent years there! The way he made fun of himself and the situations he found himself in was amusing. The mistranslations were the highlight - 'me talk pretty one day' as an eg.
I was, however, a bit disappointed with this book. It started off making me laugh, a little, and then nothing. It lacked any, er, edge. Ya, no edge. Sometimes writing on the edge can be funny. The only other book I'd read by Sedaris was Squirrel seeks Chipmunk, which was ten times edgier. It was at times, in fact, too edgy. I suppose this was what I was expecting. Not a light romp through french mistranslations.
I may read other Sedaris books in the future and benchmark them against Squirrel seeks Chipmunk (which is actually kind of scary). As of now, if for some reason you have to read a Sedaris books, I'd wouldn't recommend this one.

RATING : DO NOT READ*

*As stated above, if you are looking for an edgier read, do not read this book, instead read Chipmunk seeks Squirrel.

COOKING DIRTY

COOKING DIRTY

A story of life, sex, love and death in the kitchen

- Jason Sheehan -

Thank goodness Sheehan acknowledged his writing is very similar to Anthony Bourdain (whom I've read a lot of), because at first it comes off like he is just riding the coattails of Bourdain and doing a little copy cat plagiarism type stuff. But, as you read through this book Sheehan's narrative and writing style soon become strikingly different. I can't help but compare this book to Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential. They are both brash, cuss filled, memoirs of kitchen life that highlight the worst possible things that happen behind the scenes of a restaurant. Similar topics include disgusting food handling, drug/alcohol addiction, workplace violence, harsh work conditions, injuries, and just the terrible lifestyle choices that seem to be common place in every kitchen. Even though the topics are almost identical Sheehan's writing is much more personal. He gives us a glimpse into his soul; raw emotions, motivations, passions, and vivid descriptions of his deepest thoughts. He clearly articulated his highest ups and his lowest lows, which I found extremely interesting. His lifestyle, and it appears the lifestyle of almost all cooks, is so far removed from my 9-5 suburban family man life that it is hard to imagine, yet, intriguing to read about. Sheehan explains it all in such a fun and insightful way. Sometimes he is sarcastic and pokes fun at the crazy life he lived, and sometimes he is serious and lays out some heavy stuff. Both styles made me want to keep reading.

Sheehan takes us from the beginning where he stumbled into a dishwasher job, worked his way through the ranks, failed time and time again, then finally burnt out and moved onto food writing. He lets us in the backdoor the restaurant and shows us the strange world that few know about. He writes about the pirate mentality of the kitchen, the comparisons to war and the battlegrounds, the machoism, and the insular world of restaurant workers. He brings up the paradox of how when he was cooking he was so passionate and alive, yet at the same time despised the toll it was taking on his life. Once you get caught up in the work there is no other life outside the kitchen. I found it a bit surprising, and sad, that for a decade or more Sheehan seemed to have only dysfunctional relationships with everything and everyone (his job, his girlfriends, his family) due to the demands and lifestyle of a cook.

Finishing up this book I'm left with a greater insight (and respect) for those who work the grills and fryers of every restaurant. How it does take a different sort of character to work the odd hours and every holiday that most of us take for granted. It also leaves me with a guilty feeling that I do not want my children going into the 'food services' industry and be caught up in the strange (and very unhealthy) lifestyle that seems to go along with it. However, I would encourage them to read about it and would even buy them this book.

RATING: READ*

*Must read non-fiction book and Read before you die rating as well. In other words, I really really liked this book and you should too!

BRAIN RULES FOR BABIES

BRAIN RULES FOR BABIES

How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five

- John Medina -

Just one of the numerous parenting books I've read - first since having our third. So, I consider myself an old hat at the parenting book game. I found this one refreshing and different, yet not overly original on the parenting front.

What makes this book different from the wall of parenting books at the library? This book takes an indepth scientific look at the brain. Medina is a brain scientist guy (neuroscientist?), so it makes sense.

This book delves deep into the nitty-gritty details of how baby brains are made; neurons, systosebisistis (or some similar scientific word)...how all the grey matter connects, how long it actually takes, and what we can do to make things work better. Medina does a great job of taking these very complex topics and putting them into understandable, 'layman's terms'. He throws in some relevant personal anecdotes and research findings (peer reviewed and trustworthy research only).

Medina attempted to give a few guiding principles on how to raise a happy and smart child based on the science he knows about brain growth. However, it felt like one of those books that works well in theory, but, might not prove so well in the real world. The guidance was rather generic and broad, taking into account the wide variety of brains (and personalities) we all have. If you are looking for a specific plan this is not your book.

To sum up his theory - you need to give your baby a stressfree and stable environment, while treating them with empathy...something you've probably run across in other books. The only difference is that this book backs up this theory with hard scientific facts on brain behaviour.

For a parenting book it is very readable and very interesting. I would recommend it. Especially if you only plan on reading a handful of books.

RATING : READ

SH*T MY DAD SAYS

SH*T MY DAD SAYS

- Justin Halpern - 

A mix of laugh your a$$ off and the realization that your are not the only one in the world with a strange family. There is so much in this book to laugh at and so much to relate to. I'm sure we've all had those moments where we question what our parents say then laugh till you cry with siblings when retelling it later. Halpern has a great way of sharing his moments like this with us through short stories and straight up quotes. I think it also helps that his Dad uses a lot of profane language.

The 'stuff' his Dad says ranges from almost random thoughts to just annoying jackass sayings. One of the more random quotes I found hilarious was on the topic of lying. It went something like, son do not lie. The worst thing is to be a liar, well actually being a Nazi is worse. So, first being a Nazi, but, then being a liar.

I also laughed so hard at the scene where Halpern's Dad makes a jackass out of himself. It starts off at baseball practice when some kid comes up to Halpern and says, 'my Dad says your Dad is an a*****'.  Halpern is just about to defend his Dad when he is hit hard in the shins by a ball. "Get your head outta your a$$ and pay attention!" The voice - his Father. The ball that hit his shin, on purpose - from his Father. Great timing Dad!

By then end of the book you are left sore from laughing and, strangely, filled with a sense of admiration for Halpern's Dad. Even though he is sometimes a hard ass who should think before he talks it's very apparent he always has the best intentions in mind and truly loves his kids.

RATING : READ

*If you liked this book you may also like : Tuesday with Morrie and Medium Raw. That is the sh*t my library website says. Which is true, I read both and like them.