PEYTON PLACE

PEYTON PLACE

- Grace Metalious -

This is one of those books that keeps popping up. Sometimes as a pop culture or literary reference in a book you are reading. Or, it comes up on some literary list of banned books or books that revolutionized the industry (at the time). It's often touted as a 'must read', on the same level as say 1984. So, when it is sitting on your living room bookshelf it is bound to be read at some point. That is what happened in our humble abode. It was taken from the shelf, read by my wife, then passed onto me.

The actual book we have is ancient. As pictured above, it has the price of 50 cents listed on the front, it has the edges of the pages dyed that strange green colour, and according to the inside cover was printed in the late 50s. Our copy is also falling apart at the seams - literally. After my wife read through it, the book broke into three pieces, strangely, almost matching the three sections of the book. But, the best part is the smell. It's that smell of old paper, like a used bookstore with too many paperback romance novels sitting on the twirly rack near the door. Mmmm.
It is hard to fathom why this book was banned at one point. I guess the book does have frequent, if brief, discussions on the topic of sex. Most of it is theoretical, but, I guess just the fact that it is sometimes the centre of a dialogue between character was pretty taboo back in '58. My how things have changed. Fifty Shades is now front and centre on the display case at my local library, which not only discusses sex in the theoretical but is what one might almost call a how-to or play-by-play narrative.
I can see why this book launched a soap opera with the same title. Everything in it is over the moon dramatic, which would be great for daytime tv. For eg. when a young girl becomes pregnant, it's her drunken Step Father's baby! When someone commits suicide, they hang themselves in the closet of a hormonal teenager that was rude to her earlier that day! And so on, and so on. There are many stories lines in this book and they all seem to be this extreme and dramatic. You really never know what is going to happen, but, you desperately want to find out.
As you read, the dirty little secrets of this town start to spiral out of control. Big things, like murder, start happening.
But, in the end the town takes on being a character in its own right and forgives any unlawful acts...like murder.
It was very well written and kept me turning pages (even if they did fall out). Considering it was written in the 50's most of it was still very relevant. On a warm June night, I might even agree that this is one of those books you should read before you die.

RATING: READ

TUBES

TUBES

A Journey to the Centre of the Internet

- Andrew Blum -

Following that cord from your computer to the 'internet' is the general idea behind this book. What would it look like? How does it actually work? Good idea, me thinks. Andrew Blum does a great job at describing it all. But, (yes, a big but)...this would have made a lovely magazine article. As it turns out making a book about it was taking it just a few steps too far.

Overall, there is very little to the 'internet'; little variety that is. The internet is huge and spreads across the entire globe, but, as it turns out there is really only wire and a surprisingly low number of routers. This books shows us that...from a dozen different angles.

Turns out if you send an email from your computer it goes through your home router, down a wire, to the local provider's router, down some more wire, to an 'exchange' (code for another router), where it goes along some more wire, to another exchange (aka router), along even more wire, to the last router, where it is pushed up a wire to its destination. So, let me sum it up in easy-speak-chant : 

*clears throat* wire, router, wire, router, wire, router, wire, router...

There. That is pretty much the bones of this book. 

Blum tries to add some interesting guts to these bones, but, he doesn't have much to work with. He describes the uniform routers and wire that make up the internet in extreme detail and poetic prose, but, again I can sum it up in easy-speak-chant:

*clears throat* black cable, blinky router lights, yellow cable, blinky router lights, thick cable, blinky router lights, underwater cable, blinky router lights...

Even when he starts to describe the people who work on the 'internet', they are surprisingly bland - computer nerds in hoodies leaning over a laptop (they all seem to have very little social skills as well). There is one spark of life when Blum goes on an overnight shift with some blue collar cable layers under the streets of NYC. But, for the most part the IT people sounded very boring.

I was left hoping for more. Again, Blum does a great job at describing the limited parts of the internet, I can picture how beautiful a refrigerator sized router can look bathed in the soft glow of fluorescent lights, but, you can only read so much of the same thing. It wasn't his words that were repetitive, it was the content. I'd say read Andrew Blum, but, just not this book.

RATING: DO NOT READ

SKIPPING CHRISTMAS

SKIPPING CHRISTMAS

- John Grisham -

When you think, John Grisham, most likely humour writing does not come to mind. You probably think more along the lines of thrillers about lawyers from down south. If I'm right, now is the time to change that. Do it with this book. This one is not about lawyers, it's about an accountant.  

Luther, the accountant I mentioned, and his wife decide to 'skip Christmas'. Their daughter is going to be out of the country and they've decided instead of feeling sad they'd go on a cruise instead. Makes sense right? Christmas, and all the events surrounding it, cost a lot of money, time, effort, and are really stressful. Just skip it all and save enough to go on a fabulous vacation.

Sounds like a dream when you read it while in the midst of the Christmas season.

I love how Grisham brings up all the pain points that drive you mad. The excessive presents. The work parties. The charities upping their pressure for handouts. The decorating. The guilt, the costs, the stress...

The book brings to light how difficult it would be to miss this event. When you actually stand back and think about it the social pressures we have put on us, they are immense. Luther's brilliant plan is tested over and over. With a stubborn, almost superhuman, will he manages to squeak through all the situations that pop up from the neighbors and coworkers...with only small pangs of guilt and shame. Until Xmas eve when his daughter busts his little bubble. She has managed to get a flight and will be home in hours...and is expecting the usual Xmas events.

I will spoil it and let you know that it all works out. Maybe not in the ideal way, but, being a Christmas tale it has to end happy...right?

This is one of those books I recommend over and over. It is quick and easy to read. So easy to relate to and makes you feel good. Lots of laughs too. It may also change the way you think about John Grisham.

RATING : READ READ READ

This book led to the wonderful movie Christmas with the Kranks. Even though it stars Tim Allen, whom I don't particularly like, I found the movie really funny. I would say the book is better, especially in the explanation on why they are skipping Xmas, but, the mad scramble at the end is better in the movie.

FALL OF GIANTS

FALL OF GIANTS

- Ken Follett -

I listed to this as an audiobook - all 24 discs! Over 24 hours worth of epic novel. It took weeks...and I still wanted more!

Follett put together a masterpiece here. The size and scale of this story was immense. It could easily have been broken down into five books and still made for lengthy indepth reading. But, his skill at putting them all together made for a much more rewarding read. He weaved the stories of five different families together to give us a fictional account of the huge changes that were going on at the beginning of the twentieth century and how they effected the entire globe. A welsh coal mining family, a British Earl, an American diplomat, a cosmopolitan German family, and a lowly Russian factory labourer are the pieces Follett uses to assemble his puzzle.

World War one is an event that is hard to decipher; why did it start, why did it last so long, why was it so bloody? Taking a look through all the different pieces, Ken gave us a glimpse of the varied interpretations of how the war began, how it was fought, and how desperate things became after years and years of destruction.

It was very interesting to read about the rigid social structure of the early 1900's and see how quickly it changed. I kept picturing Downton Abbey while reading, mostly because of the Earl and the maids. The storyline in this book and the storylines in Downton Abbey were strangely very similar.

The book took us right through to the 1920's where it just kind of ended. Typically series books end with a cliffhanger of some sort, but, there was nothing like that here. Just a kind of, uh, I don't know...like Follett went for a bathroom break and never came back to the ol' typewriter? You know the stories are not done, you know there is going to be a World War II...it was just unexpected when the book ended - just like that!

I do have one small criticism of the story. All of the characters rose to a level of importance that seemed a bit unrealistic, seeing as the story took place in the real world. For eg, at many points during the book characters were advising Prime Ministers, Presidents, and Kaisers. They were in positions that, in the real world, would have made a giant impact on how things really worked out. It  felt a bit too far fetched, but, just a bit. It was easy to overlook until you finished the book and took out your critical pair or eye glasses (from that special radioactive-proof case you keep in the cabinet under the sink in the downstairs bathroom) and looked the book over again.

I'm looking forward to book two - Winter of the World - which I will mostly likely listen to. To save time. I can do it while I'm inputting data, mindlessly, into the computer system at work. It would take me months to read the entire 900 and some odd pages...I have other big books to read. Plus, the reader of these books does a great Cockney accent, and a fair Russian one as well...his American accent is a bit too 'Texan' for my liking though.

RATING : READ

PETER BLUE

PETER BLUE

- Max Brand -

Max Brand is, as the cover of this novel states, the most celebrated western writer in the world. Hmm...

If this implies Max Brand is the best western writer of all time, I may have to disagree.

I've been reading a lot of Louis L'Amour lately and there is no comparison. This book was lacking the whole western atmosphere. The cowboy lingo, the descriptions of hot deserts, and the countless gunfights. It lacked the galloping pace L'Amour sets and is left in the dust.

For eg. Peter Blue is a legendary gunfighter whose draw hand has been shot. In an attempt to avoid future gunbattles, which he is sure to lose, he hides out in a shack overlooking some trees and a meadow. He ends up falling in love with the local sheriff's daughter and befriending a near senile old timer who likes to plow fields all day...where is the action I say? Eventually, after what seems like a hundred pages, there is a small skirmish that leads to a duel. The duel is to happen...oh, in another hundred pages. Finally, in the last few pages of this novel Peter Blue comes barreling into town shootin' with his left hand.

That's it. No dusty deserts, no saloon brawls, and only two small gun fights.

Not what I expected from a 'Western'. I expect more action, at least twenty shot up bad dudes, and maybe a mention of a cactus or a tumbleweed. Now, it's not that Brand is a bad writer, I wouldn't have made it through the book if he was, it's just that it lacked that Western flair. Maybe it was this particular book? Maybe it was me? I'll try more Max Brand at some point, but, I wouldn't recommend Peter Blue to any of my friends.

RATING : DO NOT READ

MOJAVE CROSSING

MOJAVE CROSSING 

(Sackett's #9)

- Louis L'Amour -

Why is it that good hearted cowboys always seem to get dragged into trouble by dark hearted women?

This is another novel where one of the Sackett boys goes out of his way to help a lady and ends up in a whole heap o' trouble - gunfights, suicidal desert crossings, saloon brawls, etc - because of her. This time Tell helps out a lady named Dorinda. She looks innocent enough at the beginning. Just a lady who needs some help getting to California. It quickly turns into a situation where Tell and this lady are high tailing it across the open desert being chased by some hired thugs. After almost dying of thirst Tell is shot at and almost killed. Through a chance encounter with some good natured bandits he manages to survive. But, of course, he feels there is some unfinished business with this Dorinda lady and the roughnecks that left him for dead in the desert. There was more to this story that needed explained to him.

Well, it turns out this lady was connected with a former pirate (now that's a twist!)...who was thought to have a treasure chest full of coins buried along the coast somewhere. Along with this pirate, there were a mittful of petty criminals and gunfighters that seem to be written into the story just to get shot by Tell.

Through a turn of events Tell ends up helping this former pirate. First he helps him find his gold and then helps rid his house of turncoats (Dorinda being one of them). He does this out of the goodness of his heart. In the process Tell has a run in with one of his kin, a distant relative of the Sackett clan from out east.

In the final scene Tell is surrounded by a crowd of the pirate's former gang, all mean nasty characters who all have it in their heads to finish off Tell. That is when, as put very eloquently on the Jerry Springer show - 'blood is thicker', that distant relative of Tell rides in to save the day.

I really like these Sackett books. In this one you really get to like Tell Sackett. There is not a mean, arrogant, egotistical bone in his body. He is all gentleman. Yet, that is what makes many of his lines sound a bit farcical. Most of his lines are deadly serious, especially when he comments on human nature or his indepth knowledge of the desert. If you have a strong humour streak, like me, there are many times when you read something Tell says and slip in sarcasm mode...for eg. He describes himself as, "big raw-boned mountain boy, rougher than a cob and standing six feet three inches in my socks, with hands and shoulders fit to wrassle mustang broncs or ornery steers, but no hand with womenfolks". So, serious, yet if viewed through the sarcasm spectrum it is hilarious...'wrassle...in his socks", come on, that is funny!

RATING: READ

DON'T QUOTE ME...NUMBER B

DON'T QUOTE ME...

(Writing tips from a naive writer)

WRITING TIP NUMBER :B

So, don't quote me, but, shouldn't a writer be able to describe things in:

a) many ways,
b) multiple ways,
3) a variety of ways,
iv) a plethora of ways, 
E) an indefinite number of ways,
-....) in Morse code perhaps?

The Thesaurus is your friend.
So is: a wacked way of looking at the world, an out of the box thinker, and a working knowledge of at least five languages (sign language is included).

THE DAYBREAKERS

THE DAYBREAKERS

(Sacketts #6)

- Louis L'Amour -

Another classic Western story where a tough kid from the East brings justice to a fledgling town in the wild West. Apparently, this is number six in a series, yet it felt like both a stand alone novel or the beginning of an epic series. It starts at the beginning (haha), when two brothers, Tyrel and Orrin Sackett, take off to the open country of the West. They face a pile of obstacles; natives, roughnecks, gamblers, drunks, land grabbers...all the common villain types. They end up settling in a small town and start rachin'. From there the two brothers build different lives; Orrin goes into politics, Tye becomes town Sheriff. From there, the big trouble begins. Orrin marries into a family that turns out to be pretty nasty and Tye, as Sheriff, has to shoot down a few people. The ending leaves us with a safe town free of any 'bad guys'. Yet, both brothers have some unfinished business with Orrin's former wife and Father-in-law. As a spoiler, I know this feud between the Sacketts and the Pritts continues on for many books.

Looking over reviews of this book it becomes pretty apparent that readers both love Louis L'Amour and this particular book. There seems to be a read admiration for Tyrel as well. To me, he just seems like all the other good-hearted cowboys in these books. It's interesting to see what motivated people to read this book. Some by accident, some recommended, some because their Father or Grandfather read these books. Many seem to have the same reaction I have, that they really enjoy this genre, even though they'd never consider reading them before. Very interesting.

This particular book I read in LARGE-PRINT format. It was one of the many books I picked up at the box of books for $5 auction. Glad I picked it up. Next year I know to not just glance over the Western section, but, scoop it up!

RATING: READ

WESTERNS

WESTERNS

Louis L'Amour & Cotton Smith

I have another literary secret that I'm finally admitting to, besides my periodic chick-lit reads, I love Westerns! 

Where else can a guy go to get a taste of cowboy life? A life where one lives on a horse, shoots up bad folk, and can take a bullet (or four) and still live to tell about it. Not only that, but these guys are flawless in a social sense. Their morals are always good, they have great manners, and they appreciate the environment. What more could you want in a character? Maybe a handlebar mustache? Well, sometimes they do sport a nice 'stash.

The storylines in these books, although sometimes predictable, are always full of action and adventure - hence, the 'take a bullet (or four) and still live to tell about it'.

My interest in this genre started earlier this year when I read Stands a Ranger. It was classic. A ranger comes into a dusty desert town and solves a few problems with the local black hats. There were countless shootouts, a saloon fight, and the ranger managed to do it all after being shot a handful of times. In the end the good guys won, hooray!

Recently, I've been listening to Louis L'Amour stories. The Lonely Men was another classic. A lone cowboy, with outstanding morals, saves a bunch of kids from the Natives. Again, countless shootouts, a saloon fight, and a bullet wound that would have killed any other man.  

Both of these stories also featured a strong woman character - who happen to shoot shotguns!  Very progressive in my opinion.

I know it is cheesey, but, I love when the Cowboy/Ranger can take on a pack of five ruffians, shoot them all with pinpoint accuracy, while they only manage to hit the dirt (or maybe a hat) with their bullets. How can you not love a talented man like that? Don't you just want to walk a mile in his boots, wear his hat, sport some chaps...ok, too far.

Although, I do wonder how to justify the hundreds upon hundreds of people these cowboys kill. Yes, they may be 'bad guys', but, how much blood can one hero draw before it's too much? That is the question I leave you with today...

I KNOW I AM, BUT WHAT ARE YOU?

I KNOW I AM, BUT WHAT ARE YOU?

- Samantha Bee -

What a ride (that was both praise...and shock). Samantha puts down some of the more memorable and humorous moments of her life in this biography of sorts. We start with her childhood - that explains a lot. Then onto her rebellious teen years. Her short stint in crime. Onto an animal story. Her experiences with the male organ. Then a giant rant about putting in some thought when giving a present.

The writing is overly wordy, filled with funny pop references, packed with sexual jokery, and is constantly off topic. But, done very well for that kind of writing. It's the kind of writing that makes you pay attention, in order to get the references and the word play, it sucks you in and takes you away from reality. You are vacuumed (hoovered up) into Samantha's book world and left feeling a bit shocked but in a good mood.

She starts the book off with a few classic Canadian childhood memories. Like going camping or tagging along with a couple while they honeymoon on the East Coast (including taking over their motel room when it rained - and it rained a lot). The Canadian experience continues when Sam starts to date a boy whose family, recently immigrated to Canada, does not approve of her and her Canadian ways. With this boy she helps commit car theft. Ah, true northern spirit. Then onto those awkward feathered hair years trying to catch older boys at heavy metals concerts and county fairs. We've all been there eh? Then the early adult experience of trying to live with roommates. Sam-wiched in with these stories are Sam's recollections of family pets, all shapes and sizes - there were many. As well, she often has a good side story on the more risk-eh? topics to add in the mix. So, overall very funny, very interesting, and could be considered a great Canadian work of literature...in some parts of the country (I'm thinking way way up North).

Rating: Read

Additional note: The cover is also appealing to children. They like bees. Or, people dressed as bees.