NIGHTLIGHT - A Parody

NIGHTLIGHT - A Parody

- The Harvard Lampoon -

Nightlight has all the aspects of Twillight - the brooding teen aged clutz, the vampire love affair that stretches page after page, even a Bella and and Edward, er sorry a Belle and an Edwart, but, close enough right...well, not close enough to infringe on copyrights and be sued of course.

As with any good Parody, Nightlight roughly follows the story of Twilight, highlighting the ridiculous parts and shining a critical light on the book that captured the spotlight in, and around, 2006/2007 .

Right from the start the character flaws of Belle are exaggerated to such an extreme that is seems unrealistic; the setting is mocked with ease; and the supporting characters are written with that little bit of extra hot sauce that gives it a kick...showing the lack of 'kick' the original Twilight had. Not that making a joke or two about Twilight is that hard - 'I think my boyfriend may be a vampire', nuff said.

Sadly, the amount of pleasure and laughter I experienced reading Nightlight really only proved one thing. That I had my own deep dark secret...and it wasn't that my boyfriend was a vampire...no, it was that I read, had watch, and had somewhat enjoyed Twilight. That's the thing about parodies, you need to know the original in order to laugh at the jokes. Fine, my secret is out there - I'm a Twilighter (or whatever they are called nowadays, A Breaking Dawner? A Newish Mooner?)

But, to make it sound a little better, at least to my ears and self respect, I didn't actually read, er, finish the book. I've only watched the movies. All of them. Multiple times. But, I hated the book. Twilight, the book form I will reiterate, was a long drawn out romance. Not my thing. But, Twilight the movie was full of half shirted action heroes, doing actiony things like climbing trees and fighting evil. That works for me.

Nightlight starts out exactly like Twilight with Belle leaving her mother to go live in a rainy village in Oregon that is too small to be on a real map. She lives in her old bedroom with her absentminded dad and goes to highschool. Many similar things happen, she meets Edwart in biology class, she is almost hit by a car, she Googles info about vampires. From there things take a bit of a twist. Belle and Edwart's love affair fizzles out when she discovers he is not a vampire. Instead there are real vampires out there trying to bite her. It gets a bit crazy from there, but, still remains funny and entertaining.

The characters are slightly different as well, which makes for some good laughs. Belle is completely self obsessed and has the ego of Donald Trump. While Edwart is a pale faced computer nerd who has no self confidence at all. The Dad is almost exactly the same, which is hilarious. And, there is no real 'Jacob' character. So, if you are a Team Jacob type of person you may be slightly peeved if you read this book. Thank goodness I'm all for Team Edward.

RATING : READ

THE FAST GUN

THE FAST GUN

- JT Edson - 

A classic western with a galactic twist...go ahead and use that as a book blurb for this book!

The story has a very standard 'western' start - some drunk drifters looking for trouble lay their hands on a lady! Bad move because out of the crowd comes an unassuming cowboy to save the day. This kind-hearted cowboy, Dusty, takes on all three and whoops 'em. From there we have a quick draw gun fight that Dusty wins. Then he meets up with the lady and her companions for a trek across the country, fighting off the 'bad guys' along the way. Soon enough Dusty and this lady fall in love.

Here is where the galactic twist comes in.

Turns out this lady and her crew are aliens from another planet that have come to study earth. No matter, they still manage to get married and live happily ever after...until she leaves and Dusty is left with only the memories. Which he thinks may be just a dream.

Quite a mash up of genres eh?

It did work though. Edson managed to squash the two story lines together seamlessly. He did drop hints right from the beginning which made the alien twist come as no surprise later on. 

To me it did seem, I don't know, weird. I'm a western fan and a sci-fi fan, but, blending them up like a smoothie just didn't leave a nice taste in my mouth. On the bright side, it is good fodder for 'strangest book you've ever read' kind of conversations. So, I am glad I read it.

This was the first JT Edson I've read, just happened to pick up this book at the fill a box for $5 sale because it had a western cover. Turns out Edson is known for these type of strange mash up books.

What I did find very funny was the name of the hero - Dusty.

Why?

Dusty is my fake name. The name I give when I go to Starbucks and they ask to put a name on the cup. I tell 'em, "Dusty".

They have never questioned it, so I assume I must look like a Dusty. I'll take that as a compliment.

RATING : READ

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

- Christian Lander -

I know the title is not politically correct, therefore, what I'm about to say is probably not politically correct either, but, here goes - I'm soooo white!

So white, in fact, that I needed a book to tell me I am. Isn't that just the white way?

This book is a list of, as the title claims, Stuff White People Like. It is set up as a sort of guide to white culture, befriending whites, and a 'how-to' blend in at all white social functions. To me, it was non stop fun and laughter - which is hard to come by in book format. My experience was this: me reading one of the 'likes', laughing, then having to stop and reread the passages out loud to my wife, where we would then laugh together and discuss how true (and sad) all the 'likes' were.

For eg. Camping. 

If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”
When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.
Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs...Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.
Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.
Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

SO TRUE!!! 

Now imagine reading 150 of those type of entries. Laugh-fest is what I would call it.

It actually does get a bit repetitive after you've read a good mittful (organic food comes up over and over), but, persevere because you'll run across another jewel that will strike you as laugh-till-you-cramp funny.

Then to top it off there is a test at the end to determine how 'white' you are. I'm just over 50% white...mostly b/c I'm not that big into indie rock and film...but, I feel whiter than white deep down in my heart.

In reality, the title could have been Stuff North American's like, or Stuff Over Educated Middle Class People Like, either way, the entire book took a really hard look at some of the things we do or like that could be simple, but, have turned into expensive complicated things. Yoga in theory is just stretching, but, nowadays it involves mats and classes and expensive pants. It's funny to laugh at the ridiculous amounts people spend on Lululemon pants...especially if you are wearing a pair yourself.

I'm certain this book would be funny for all ages, races, and genders...inclusion and diversity, another white like...so go out to your local book store, buy an overpriced coffee while you are there, and grab this book. Maybe next Sunday after brunch?

Or, the simple and inexpensive way to read the list is to go to the website - http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

RATING : READ*

*I listed this as non-fiction, that could be debated.

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

- David Sedaris -

A strange trip through David's life. One of those essay type memoirs with a mix of childhood stories, then a bounce to adulthood to recount David's trips to France where he attempted to learn the French language. It would have to be filed under 'Humour', but, I found it kind of lacked laughability.
Depending on how you look at your childhood it can be funny. I'm sure we all have stories about how strange our parents behaved, or that time you innocently said something completely inappropriate, or that you had a lisp.
Sedaris had a lisp. He talks all about it. Then he moves onto how, no matter how hard he tried, he could never grasp the French language - even when he moved to France and spent years there! The way he made fun of himself and the situations he found himself in was amusing. The mistranslations were the highlight - 'me talk pretty one day' as an eg.
I was, however, a bit disappointed with this book. It started off making me laugh, a little, and then nothing. It lacked any, er, edge. Ya, no edge. Sometimes writing on the edge can be funny. The only other book I'd read by Sedaris was Squirrel seeks Chipmunk, which was ten times edgier. It was at times, in fact, too edgy. I suppose this was what I was expecting. Not a light romp through french mistranslations.
I may read other Sedaris books in the future and benchmark them against Squirrel seeks Chipmunk (which is actually kind of scary). As of now, if for some reason you have to read a Sedaris books, I'd wouldn't recommend this one.

RATING : DO NOT READ*

*As stated above, if you are looking for an edgier read, do not read this book, instead read Chipmunk seeks Squirrel.

READY PLAYER ONE

READY PLAYER ONE

- Ernest Cline -

An awesome adventure through 80's video game / pop culture. 

The story will hook you and keep you scrolling the pages on your e-reader as fast as your arcade hardened fingers will let you.

Set in a depressing sounding future most people take refuge online, on an all encompassing virtual world called the Oasis. When the founder of the Oasis dies he leaves a final message - he is leaving his vast fortune and control of the Oasis to the person who completes his challenge. The challenge is a series of cryptic clues that lead users to keys. Find three keys and you win.

Now, the challenges are what set this story well apart from anything I've ever read. You need to take a trip back to the beginning of the video game era. You should hook up that old Tandy or Commodore 64 to practice. Throw in some early arcade games, a little dungeons and dragons. Brush up on your Monty Python quotes and your John Hughes movies b/c they will be essential as well. Player's need to be experts on all things 80's.

The book follows one player, Wade, on his quest to find the keys. We get to feel his excitement and despair while he tries to solve these cryptic clues, travel the universe of the Oasis, and compete with his virtual friends. When the competition starts to escalate he is not only in danger of dying in the virtual world but in the real one too. Each challenge is unique and interesting, putting all of Wade's gaming talents and 80's knowledge to the test. Everything from a perfect game of Pac-Man to reciting word for word The Search for the Holy Grail. The story builds and builds to an epic battle where, of course, good defeats evil...but, it was close for a few chapters.

One of the blurbs on the back cover is a quote by Jon Scalzi (who coincidentally is mentioned in the book a few times), he describes the book with one word - 'nerdgasm'. That pretty much sums it up. If you are a 'nerd' you'll love this book. If you are not, well, you won't understand anything and should not even open the cover.

I never realized how much of a 'nerd' I was until I started reading this book. I found myself laughing at all the 'old' 80's references, and lovingly recalled similar experiences with that computer that used a cassette (instead of disks). I fully understood all the D&D lingo. I even found myself jealous of Wade when he showed up to a virtual club in his Delorean made up to look a bit  like Kit from Knight Rider and then orders a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from the bar! Now, that is sad eh?

I'd describe the book as a nice little nerd package. You've got your epic fantasy/quest story line, you've got your nerd references, and your nerdy main character eventually saves the world (and lands a girlfriend - who also happens to be a big nerd). There is even an all powerful Wizard! What more could you want?

Rating : READ READ READ

THE WINDUP GIRL

THE WINDUP GIRL

- Paolo Bacigalupi -

I've been meaning to read this book for about two years now. It was one of those highly acclaimed, sci-fi, Hugo award winning, much talked about books that 'everyone' needs to read. Which was why it was on my radar. This month is dystopian novel challenge month, which is my real motivation for finally getting around to cracking this one open. And, I have to say it is not a book that 'everyone' has to read. It is one of those books you will either love or hate.

Set in the near future the world is a wreck, mostly because of genetically modified foods and the genetically modified viruses that destroy that food. It is a tough look at corporate greed and the potential disasters we could face if the food scientist go too far. We have a contrasting crowd of characters from questionable corporate men, corrupt politicians, zealous military officers, slum dogs, illegal immigrants, to the 'windup girl' (a genetically modified test tube baby).
I have read a lot of this genre, the dystopian type book, and I have to say this one did feel original. Not your typical post apocalyptic journey through wasteland or an overly aggressive government who's mustached face is all up your face. The difference was subtle. Perhaps it was the writing style, how the differences between our real world and this futuristic dystopian world were told through examples in the storylines. There was no one thing in particular that I can pull from this novel, just the general feel I guess?
One thing I was not impressed with was the entire storyline. It didn't go anywhere. Actually that is not true, the storyline did a complete loop of the block. Started with a corrupt government, turned the corner with a revolution, came back to the original corrupt government situations and put it in park. It was a bit of a journey, but, nothing too mindblowing. Which surprised me since this book was a Hugo award winner.
On a bit of an aside note (more like rant) I haven't been impressed with any 'award' winning book that I have read in the past couple of years. You'd think if a book won an award it would be outstanding. But, I'm beginning to realize that is not the case. If a book wins an award that seems to mean only that the book is not terrible.
Another problem I had was the setting. Set in Thailand was a big downfall for me. I have very little knowledge of the country, it's people, the culture, even the geography. Paolo did a fair job of explaining the flooding problems, the neighboring countries, and the religion issues when needed. But, I didn't feel drawn into the setting at all. Which makes me think if it had been set on another planet or fantasy world it would have felt more real, had a bigger impact on me. Instead of leaving me half guessing and hoping for more.
So, a bit of a downer review I realize. But, I just didn't get the warm and fuzzies from this dystopian type book. Yes, that implies I do get the warm and fuzzies from other equally sad and scary tales. Again, the book was ok it just didn't meet my expectations.

RATING : DO NOT READ

ISLAND DEATH TRAP

ISLAND DEATHTRAP

(Mack Bolan The Executioner #56)

- Don Pendleton -

If you've ever watched Corner Gas and you have fond memories of the book club episode you will be familiar with the Mack Bolan series. That can be one motivation for reading this book. The other can be a dare by another bookworm. Ah, the ultimate book dare - read a Mack Bolan book! Either way I ended up with this book in my hands and actually read it.
It turned out to be a mixed blessing. I enjoyed the 'man-adventure', which is code for explosions and an excessive body count (which I believe topped out at forty or forty two?) But, I also realized I'm the kind of guy who likes reading about needless explosions and one man killing machines who have their own brand of justice. Who am I?
You may look at yourself in a whole new light after reading this book. I know I did.

RATING : READ

TINTIN BOOKS!!!

TINTIN BOOKS

- Hergé -

One of my literary challenges this year was to delve into the world of the "Graphic Novel" (aka comic books). This genre is continually coming up in my booklife. Online, I seem to be in a crowd of Graphic Novel readers and lovers. Offline, I noticed our library had set up a Graphic Novel section...right near my regular haunts in the Fantasy and Western section. Which makes me think a couple of things. 1) Since when did comic books become 'literature'?  2) Maybe I should take this genre a bit more seriously...I would probably enjoy it anyway.

After some quick google-wikipedia style research, one name kept coming up again and again - Tintin. I've decided to start my journey at the beginning. Apparently the Tintin series was a ground breaker in this genre. Shock to me as I remember reading these books when I was young. Why not reread them and see what they are like through adult eyes?
So, off I go to the library to search out a Tintin.



THE CALCULUS AFFAIR  - #18

According to reviews this book is the best of the series. Um, ok, I guess I was expecting more on the 'novel' front. Perhaps I'll have to read a few more before I come to any conclusions of my own.
The 'graphic' front was great. I was very surprised by how good the 'comics' were. The detail in the pictures was outstanding, especially the crowded marketplace scene. You could easily get a good feel for the time period, the location, and the action that was happening. You could even follow the story just by the pictures alone.
The story was good but felt too rushed...is that to be expected when pictures are added? To sum it up, Prof. Calculus invents a sound machine that could be used as a weapon. He is kidnapped by some secret agent types from what appears to be a cold war era communist country in an attempt to steal his idea. Tintin and the Captain go on a whirlwind tour of what looks like Eastern Europe or East Germany in an attempt to save the professor. As shown by the cover of the book they do save him, but, it was a close one. Thrown in with this action packed adventure was a humorous bit involving a pushy insurance salesman - that was a highlight for me.
But, I did have a hard time dealing with the lack of a backstory. As I stated, I am a novel reader.

EXPLORERS ON THE MOON - #17

Ahh, I'm reading these things all out of order. But, it doesn't make any difference, they are all essentially stand alone stories. Or, at least it seems that way to me after reading two.
This 'episode' was great! Tintin and the gang mistakenly board a spaceship to the moon. Somehow they manage to land the ship on the moon without any mishap. Then, Tintin takes the historic first steps on the moon. The Captain joins in and they go exploring a bit.
In the meantime, an evil villain has stowedaway on the ship...I guess a lot of this is explained in #16...he comes out of hiding and takes over the rocket. Luckily, Tintin is there to save the day, using only a wrench and a pistol I might add.
Explorers was actually kind of humorous with the Captain continually being the brunt of physical harm type jokes (he must have bashed his head two dozen times!) or the Captain getting drunk on his smuggled whiskey.
Onto #10.


THE SHOOTING STAR - #10

Shooting Star was more like the Tintin I remember of my short stint reading them in my youth. This one was far fetched and was so full of scientific holes it could have been mistaken for swiss cheese, haha. But, that is what made it fun.

An earth shattering juggernaut of a meteorite smashes into the Arctic and causes little damage b/c it lands in the ocean. Tintin and crew decide to go find it on the theory that it contains a new mineral non native to Earth. However, a rival gang has the same idea. Tintin and crew win, of course, however, there is more to this meteor than meets the eye. Strange things happen, like the giant mushroom as pictured on the cover. This fantasy science was one part I found pretty amusing. The race was also full of adventure including a harrowing plane flight. There was also a lot of that repetitive humour (The Captain and his drinking problem the majority of the jokes). Ahh, the perfect Tintin.



GALLOWAY

GALLOWAY
(Sacketts #14)

- Louis L'Amour -

This one started out good, but, then kind of fell apart at the end.

It starts with Flagan Sackett escaping from a tribe of natives who were torturing him and about to kill him. He has the challenge of evading capture from the pursuing natives and surviving the desert...with only the loin cloth he is wearing. He manages to make fire, scratch up some food, and cloth himself all the while staying clear of the Apaches. 

At this point I was into the book. It was a good mix of informative (about the desert plants and such) and suspenseful (would he manage to hide out). I was only hoping nobody would ask what I was reading - a book about this naked guy running through the desert with some natives tracking him and this strange wolf following him too.

After a run in with a guy named Curly, Flagan finds himself back in civilization, being nursed back to health by a nice looking young lady named Meg.

Then the story loses its composure. A lot of things happen in the blink of an eye; Flagan decides he wants to start a ranch in town, Flagan makes some enemies with the local land grabbers, Flagan sends letters to his Sackett kinfolk asking for help, there is a brawl, there is some shootin'...it only took about 100 pages and we have a dozen characters and a few different story lines. The depth of the book was lost at that point. It was still entertaining, especially the brawl. It was classic; the white hat cowboy, being the gentleman, throws the instigating black hat out of the store to save the store owner from having this store messed up...then he beat him to a pulp. How nice of him. 
By the end of the book the bad guys have been shot up and are leaving town except for one who has one last bullet for Flagan. Instead of the fastest draw type shoot out they have a cat and mouse sniper fest up in the mountains. The last few pages were very riveting...who was going to live and who was going to die?

RATING : READ

MEN AT ARMS

MEN AT ARMS

(Discworld #15)

- Terry Pratchett -

The Night Watch is changing. Their leader is leaving. They are recruiting on an equal opportunity basis - Dwarves, Trolls, even Women can apply! They are even seriously attempting to solve a crime! What has the Discworld come to?!

What I like about series books is that you get to be re-introduced to beloved characters you met in previous stories. You get another chance to learn and connect with these characters, to gain a better understanding of them, to spend some quality time with them. This could sound like a literary nightmare if you despise these characters, and you are now forced to endure another tale about them. Luckily, I love the City Watch. They are quirky, and funny, and good hearted (well, except for Nobby). In Men at Arms they continue their streak of being quirky, funny, and good hearted (again, except for Nobby), and I thoroughly enjoyed reading about them.

What really stood out for me in this novel was how Cpl Carrot seemed to really come into his own. He was confident, he took charge when needed, and even lied! Well, he didn't actually lie, but, he did manipulate his words to imply something else...that's lying, right? It seemed to me that Carrot is beginning to realize just how much power and influence he really has and starting to use it a bit. He has a heart of gold now, but, will this power tarnish it and send him over to the dark side in the future?

There were also a few new recruits which added to the story. A troll and a dwarf, sworn enemies, have to work together...we know where this is going. They'll argue and bicker, but, when the fighting starts they will have each others back. And, just as a spoiler - one of them dies! Yes, a death! It was a bit surprising. The other new recruit is a woman. Not only a woman, but, a woman with a secret. 

So, to sum it up; a Carrot, a dwarf, a troll, and a woman with a secret. With that description you should be out of your seat running to the bookstore to snatch this one up! I will not stop you.

RATING : READ