CASINO ROYALE

CASINO ROYALE

James Bond #1

- Ian Fleming -

Well, that was not what I expected.

What I thought I'd read was non stop action full of dubious double crossing spies with hidden razor blade faux playing cards and walkie talkies in their cuff links blowing up souped up sports cars and leaving a trail of at least a dozen or so dead bodies behind them. Instead what I read was a low key story about Bond doing a bit of gambling, falling in love, and being beaten/tortured to near death. He did not save the day. He did not have a fancy watch that shot laser beams. He did not capture Dr. Evil and lock him away in a dungeon on Skull island. He was actually a flawed hero who obsessed over every detail , appeared to lack any confidence in himself whatsoever, and completely lost his mind over a woman he barely knew!

There was a car chase, there was a small shoot out, there was a gun hidden in a cane...but, that's all the secret agent stuff I can recall. That being said, it was still a good book. Bond is an interesting character to read, with all his little quirks, and his insight into the mind of a killer (the killer being him). I was surprised to find that a good chunk of the book had almost nothing to do with the whole spy vs spy thing, that it was almost a love story. Bond agonizes over every word and action this episode's 'bond girl' does. I actually found it interesting to see him consciously ignore all the warning signs that this girl is going to leave him. I wondered how far he would go, how much he would pass off as nothing, how desperate he would become? It was pitiful by the end. A double O agent (aka the cream of the crop) almost crawling on his hands and knees begging an obviously broken woman to love him...just not the image I had of Bond before I started this book. Which actually makes me want to pick up the next one, Live and Let Die, to see if Bond can redeem himself or if he will fall for the next woman he meets?

RATING : READ 

I think the covers on these Bond books are hilarious. Imagine seeing that in a bookstore today? I'd love it.

CROSSING THE LINE

CROSSING THE LINE

- Derek Sanderson -

Another hockey memoir from a player who had it all...then lost it because of drinking and drugs.
I can't get enough of these type of books, I loved Theo Fleury's Playing With Fire and Bob Probert's Tough Guy: My Life on the Edge, which were essentially the same kind of story. A tough hockey player makes it to the NHL, makes rookie of the year, has a bright future, then for some reason takes to drinking and drugs and gets kicked out of the league. They are a bit sad, and at points frustrating (b/c you can see where the drinking is taking them), but they are interesting reads because the lifestyle is so far removed from mine. It's like they take place in a different world.
I had no idea who Derek Sanderson was before I read this book. I vaguely knew about the success the Boston Bruins had in the 70's with players like Bobby Orr and Phil Esposito. I had no idea what hockey was really like back then.
Turns out, at least according to Derek's versions, the game sounded ten times more violent than today's games. Frequent bench brawls, stick swinging, lots of fights, and a culture of being rough & tough. That was the way to win, and that was the way Derek played. The behind the scenes stuff sounded almost unbelievable as well. They would all smoke in between periods, go out drinking when then game was done, and only workout a week before the season started.
The main topic of the book, of course, was Derek and his crazy life. Apparently, he had a knack for saying outrageous things to the media, exaggerating the fast life he lived (dating playgirls and owning a rolls royce for instance), and playing hockey with a feisty spark that caught fan's attention. He was not the star hockey player who scored the most, but, he was pretty good with his hands and gave a good show with his fists.
Underneath this larger than life personality was an insecure, fearful, pretty modest guy. Which is why, according to Derek, he started drinking. It was his way of coping with his fears. Well, the drinking kept getting worse and eventually it caught up to him. As a reader you could see it coming and knew he was going to lose it all and just wanted to shake some sense into him. As it turned out when he hit rock bottom it was worse that you'd think. On top of admitting to himself he was an alcoholic he found out he had a corrupt lawyer who was in charge of his finances and cleaned him out. So, the millions he had made were gone. Sanderson ended up living on the streets for a short time, penniless and to proud to go home and ask for help.
It took a near death experience before he found God and changed his ways. From there, the book wraps up with a brief history of his after hockey life.
This is one of those books that I'd say is good, but, only b/c I'm a hockey fan. If you are not a fan of the game, well, three quarters of the book will be mind numbing he-shoots-he-scores kind of stuff, interlaced with only brief off rink debauchery. So, I give this book a 'READ' rating for all the hockey fans out there, and a 'Do Not Read' for all the non-fans.

RATING : READ

NIGHTLIGHT - A Parody

NIGHTLIGHT - A Parody

- The Harvard Lampoon -

Nightlight has all the aspects of Twillight - the brooding teen aged clutz, the vampire love affair that stretches page after page, even a Bella and and Edward, er sorry a Belle and an Edwart, but, close enough right...well, not close enough to infringe on copyrights and be sued of course.

As with any good Parody, Nightlight roughly follows the story of Twilight, highlighting the ridiculous parts and shining a critical light on the book that captured the spotlight in, and around, 2006/2007 .

Right from the start the character flaws of Belle are exaggerated to such an extreme that is seems unrealistic; the setting is mocked with ease; and the supporting characters are written with that little bit of extra hot sauce that gives it a kick...showing the lack of 'kick' the original Twilight had. Not that making a joke or two about Twilight is that hard - 'I think my boyfriend may be a vampire', nuff said.

Sadly, the amount of pleasure and laughter I experienced reading Nightlight really only proved one thing. That I had my own deep dark secret...and it wasn't that my boyfriend was a vampire...no, it was that I read, had watch, and had somewhat enjoyed Twilight. That's the thing about parodies, you need to know the original in order to laugh at the jokes. Fine, my secret is out there - I'm a Twilighter (or whatever they are called nowadays, A Breaking Dawner? A Newish Mooner?)

But, to make it sound a little better, at least to my ears and self respect, I didn't actually read, er, finish the book. I've only watched the movies. All of them. Multiple times. But, I hated the book. Twilight, the book form I will reiterate, was a long drawn out romance. Not my thing. But, Twilight the movie was full of half shirted action heroes, doing actiony things like climbing trees and fighting evil. That works for me.

Nightlight starts out exactly like Twilight with Belle leaving her mother to go live in a rainy village in Oregon that is too small to be on a real map. She lives in her old bedroom with her absentminded dad and goes to highschool. Many similar things happen, she meets Edwart in biology class, she is almost hit by a car, she Googles info about vampires. From there things take a bit of a twist. Belle and Edwart's love affair fizzles out when she discovers he is not a vampire. Instead there are real vampires out there trying to bite her. It gets a bit crazy from there, but, still remains funny and entertaining.

The characters are slightly different as well, which makes for some good laughs. Belle is completely self obsessed and has the ego of Donald Trump. While Edwart is a pale faced computer nerd who has no self confidence at all. The Dad is almost exactly the same, which is hilarious. And, there is no real 'Jacob' character. So, if you are a Team Jacob type of person you may be slightly peeved if you read this book. Thank goodness I'm all for Team Edward.

RATING : READ

THE FAST GUN

THE FAST GUN

- JT Edson - 

A classic western with a galactic twist...go ahead and use that as a book blurb for this book!

The story has a very standard 'western' start - some drunk drifters looking for trouble lay their hands on a lady! Bad move because out of the crowd comes an unassuming cowboy to save the day. This kind-hearted cowboy, Dusty, takes on all three and whoops 'em. From there we have a quick draw gun fight that Dusty wins. Then he meets up with the lady and her companions for a trek across the country, fighting off the 'bad guys' along the way. Soon enough Dusty and this lady fall in love.

Here is where the galactic twist comes in.

Turns out this lady and her crew are aliens from another planet that have come to study earth. No matter, they still manage to get married and live happily ever after...until she leaves and Dusty is left with only the memories. Which he thinks may be just a dream.

Quite a mash up of genres eh?

It did work though. Edson managed to squash the two story lines together seamlessly. He did drop hints right from the beginning which made the alien twist come as no surprise later on. 

To me it did seem, I don't know, weird. I'm a western fan and a sci-fi fan, but, blending them up like a smoothie just didn't leave a nice taste in my mouth. On the bright side, it is good fodder for 'strangest book you've ever read' kind of conversations. So, I am glad I read it.

This was the first JT Edson I've read, just happened to pick up this book at the fill a box for $5 sale because it had a western cover. Turns out Edson is known for these type of strange mash up books.

What I did find very funny was the name of the hero - Dusty.

Why?

Dusty is my fake name. The name I give when I go to Starbucks and they ask to put a name on the cup. I tell 'em, "Dusty".

They have never questioned it, so I assume I must look like a Dusty. I'll take that as a compliment.

RATING : READ

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

STUFF WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

- Christian Lander -

I know the title is not politically correct, therefore, what I'm about to say is probably not politically correct either, but, here goes - I'm soooo white!

So white, in fact, that I needed a book to tell me I am. Isn't that just the white way?

This book is a list of, as the title claims, Stuff White People Like. It is set up as a sort of guide to white culture, befriending whites, and a 'how-to' blend in at all white social functions. To me, it was non stop fun and laughter - which is hard to come by in book format. My experience was this: me reading one of the 'likes', laughing, then having to stop and reread the passages out loud to my wife, where we would then laugh together and discuss how true (and sad) all the 'likes' were.

For eg. Camping. 

If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”
When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.
In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.
Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs...Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.
Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.
Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

SO TRUE!!! 

Now imagine reading 150 of those type of entries. Laugh-fest is what I would call it.

It actually does get a bit repetitive after you've read a good mittful (organic food comes up over and over), but, persevere because you'll run across another jewel that will strike you as laugh-till-you-cramp funny.

Then to top it off there is a test at the end to determine how 'white' you are. I'm just over 50% white...mostly b/c I'm not that big into indie rock and film...but, I feel whiter than white deep down in my heart.

In reality, the title could have been Stuff North American's like, or Stuff Over Educated Middle Class People Like, either way, the entire book took a really hard look at some of the things we do or like that could be simple, but, have turned into expensive complicated things. Yoga in theory is just stretching, but, nowadays it involves mats and classes and expensive pants. It's funny to laugh at the ridiculous amounts people spend on Lululemon pants...especially if you are wearing a pair yourself.

I'm certain this book would be funny for all ages, races, and genders...inclusion and diversity, another white like...so go out to your local book store, buy an overpriced coffee while you are there, and grab this book. Maybe next Sunday after brunch?

Or, the simple and inexpensive way to read the list is to go to the website - http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/

RATING : READ*

*I listed this as non-fiction, that could be debated.

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

ME TALK PRETTY ONE DAY

- David Sedaris -

A strange trip through David's life. One of those essay type memoirs with a mix of childhood stories, then a bounce to adulthood to recount David's trips to France where he attempted to learn the French language. It would have to be filed under 'Humour', but, I found it kind of lacked laughability.
Depending on how you look at your childhood it can be funny. I'm sure we all have stories about how strange our parents behaved, or that time you innocently said something completely inappropriate, or that you had a lisp.
Sedaris had a lisp. He talks all about it. Then he moves onto how, no matter how hard he tried, he could never grasp the French language - even when he moved to France and spent years there! The way he made fun of himself and the situations he found himself in was amusing. The mistranslations were the highlight - 'me talk pretty one day' as an eg.
I was, however, a bit disappointed with this book. It started off making me laugh, a little, and then nothing. It lacked any, er, edge. Ya, no edge. Sometimes writing on the edge can be funny. The only other book I'd read by Sedaris was Squirrel seeks Chipmunk, which was ten times edgier. It was at times, in fact, too edgy. I suppose this was what I was expecting. Not a light romp through french mistranslations.
I may read other Sedaris books in the future and benchmark them against Squirrel seeks Chipmunk (which is actually kind of scary). As of now, if for some reason you have to read a Sedaris books, I'd wouldn't recommend this one.

RATING : DO NOT READ*

*As stated above, if you are looking for an edgier read, do not read this book, instead read Chipmunk seeks Squirrel.

READY PLAYER ONE

READY PLAYER ONE

- Ernest Cline -

An awesome adventure through 80's video game / pop culture. 

The story will hook you and keep you scrolling the pages on your e-reader as fast as your arcade hardened fingers will let you.

Set in a depressing sounding future most people take refuge online, on an all encompassing virtual world called the Oasis. When the founder of the Oasis dies he leaves a final message - he is leaving his vast fortune and control of the Oasis to the person who completes his challenge. The challenge is a series of cryptic clues that lead users to keys. Find three keys and you win.

Now, the challenges are what set this story well apart from anything I've ever read. You need to take a trip back to the beginning of the video game era. You should hook up that old Tandy or Commodore 64 to practice. Throw in some early arcade games, a little dungeons and dragons. Brush up on your Monty Python quotes and your John Hughes movies b/c they will be essential as well. Player's need to be experts on all things 80's.

The book follows one player, Wade, on his quest to find the keys. We get to feel his excitement and despair while he tries to solve these cryptic clues, travel the universe of the Oasis, and compete with his virtual friends. When the competition starts to escalate he is not only in danger of dying in the virtual world but in the real one too. Each challenge is unique and interesting, putting all of Wade's gaming talents and 80's knowledge to the test. Everything from a perfect game of Pac-Man to reciting word for word The Search for the Holy Grail. The story builds and builds to an epic battle where, of course, good defeats evil...but, it was close for a few chapters.

One of the blurbs on the back cover is a quote by Jon Scalzi (who coincidentally is mentioned in the book a few times), he describes the book with one word - 'nerdgasm'. That pretty much sums it up. If you are a 'nerd' you'll love this book. If you are not, well, you won't understand anything and should not even open the cover.

I never realized how much of a 'nerd' I was until I started reading this book. I found myself laughing at all the 'old' 80's references, and lovingly recalled similar experiences with that computer that used a cassette (instead of disks). I fully understood all the D&D lingo. I even found myself jealous of Wade when he showed up to a virtual club in his Delorean made up to look a bit  like Kit from Knight Rider and then orders a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster from the bar! Now, that is sad eh?

I'd describe the book as a nice little nerd package. You've got your epic fantasy/quest story line, you've got your nerd references, and your nerdy main character eventually saves the world (and lands a girlfriend - who also happens to be a big nerd). There is even an all powerful Wizard! What more could you want?

Rating : READ READ READ

THE WINDUP GIRL

THE WINDUP GIRL

- Paolo Bacigalupi -

I've been meaning to read this book for about two years now. It was one of those highly acclaimed, sci-fi, Hugo award winning, much talked about books that 'everyone' needs to read. Which was why it was on my radar. This month is dystopian novel challenge month, which is my real motivation for finally getting around to cracking this one open. And, I have to say it is not a book that 'everyone' has to read. It is one of those books you will either love or hate.

Set in the near future the world is a wreck, mostly because of genetically modified foods and the genetically modified viruses that destroy that food. It is a tough look at corporate greed and the potential disasters we could face if the food scientist go too far. We have a contrasting crowd of characters from questionable corporate men, corrupt politicians, zealous military officers, slum dogs, illegal immigrants, to the 'windup girl' (a genetically modified test tube baby).
I have read a lot of this genre, the dystopian type book, and I have to say this one did feel original. Not your typical post apocalyptic journey through wasteland or an overly aggressive government who's mustached face is all up your face. The difference was subtle. Perhaps it was the writing style, how the differences between our real world and this futuristic dystopian world were told through examples in the storylines. There was no one thing in particular that I can pull from this novel, just the general feel I guess?
One thing I was not impressed with was the entire storyline. It didn't go anywhere. Actually that is not true, the storyline did a complete loop of the block. Started with a corrupt government, turned the corner with a revolution, came back to the original corrupt government situations and put it in park. It was a bit of a journey, but, nothing too mindblowing. Which surprised me since this book was a Hugo award winner.
On a bit of an aside note (more like rant) I haven't been impressed with any 'award' winning book that I have read in the past couple of years. You'd think if a book won an award it would be outstanding. But, I'm beginning to realize that is not the case. If a book wins an award that seems to mean only that the book is not terrible.
Another problem I had was the setting. Set in Thailand was a big downfall for me. I have very little knowledge of the country, it's people, the culture, even the geography. Paolo did a fair job of explaining the flooding problems, the neighboring countries, and the religion issues when needed. But, I didn't feel drawn into the setting at all. Which makes me think if it had been set on another planet or fantasy world it would have felt more real, had a bigger impact on me. Instead of leaving me half guessing and hoping for more.
So, a bit of a downer review I realize. But, I just didn't get the warm and fuzzies from this dystopian type book. Yes, that implies I do get the warm and fuzzies from other equally sad and scary tales. Again, the book was ok it just didn't meet my expectations.

RATING : DO NOT READ

ISLAND DEATH TRAP

ISLAND DEATHTRAP

(Mack Bolan The Executioner #56)

- Don Pendleton -

If you've ever watched Corner Gas and you have fond memories of the book club episode you will be familiar with the Mack Bolan series. That can be one motivation for reading this book. The other can be a dare by another bookworm. Ah, the ultimate book dare - read a Mack Bolan book! Either way I ended up with this book in my hands and actually read it.
It turned out to be a mixed blessing. I enjoyed the 'man-adventure', which is code for explosions and an excessive body count (which I believe topped out at forty or forty two?) But, I also realized I'm the kind of guy who likes reading about needless explosions and one man killing machines who have their own brand of justice. Who am I?
You may look at yourself in a whole new light after reading this book. I know I did.

RATING : READ

TINTIN BOOKS!!!

TINTIN BOOKS

- Hergé -

One of my literary challenges this year was to delve into the world of the "Graphic Novel" (aka comic books). This genre is continually coming up in my booklife. Online, I seem to be in a crowd of Graphic Novel readers and lovers. Offline, I noticed our library had set up a Graphic Novel section...right near my regular haunts in the Fantasy and Western section. Which makes me think a couple of things. 1) Since when did comic books become 'literature'?  2) Maybe I should take this genre a bit more seriously...I would probably enjoy it anyway.

After some quick google-wikipedia style research, one name kept coming up again and again - Tintin. I've decided to start my journey at the beginning. Apparently the Tintin series was a ground breaker in this genre. Shock to me as I remember reading these books when I was young. Why not reread them and see what they are like through adult eyes?
So, off I go to the library to search out a Tintin.



THE CALCULUS AFFAIR  - #18

According to reviews this book is the best of the series. Um, ok, I guess I was expecting more on the 'novel' front. Perhaps I'll have to read a few more before I come to any conclusions of my own.
The 'graphic' front was great. I was very surprised by how good the 'comics' were. The detail in the pictures was outstanding, especially the crowded marketplace scene. You could easily get a good feel for the time period, the location, and the action that was happening. You could even follow the story just by the pictures alone.
The story was good but felt too rushed...is that to be expected when pictures are added? To sum it up, Prof. Calculus invents a sound machine that could be used as a weapon. He is kidnapped by some secret agent types from what appears to be a cold war era communist country in an attempt to steal his idea. Tintin and the Captain go on a whirlwind tour of what looks like Eastern Europe or East Germany in an attempt to save the professor. As shown by the cover of the book they do save him, but, it was a close one. Thrown in with this action packed adventure was a humorous bit involving a pushy insurance salesman - that was a highlight for me.
But, I did have a hard time dealing with the lack of a backstory. As I stated, I am a novel reader.

EXPLORERS ON THE MOON - #17

Ahh, I'm reading these things all out of order. But, it doesn't make any difference, they are all essentially stand alone stories. Or, at least it seems that way to me after reading two.
This 'episode' was great! Tintin and the gang mistakenly board a spaceship to the moon. Somehow they manage to land the ship on the moon without any mishap. Then, Tintin takes the historic first steps on the moon. The Captain joins in and they go exploring a bit.
In the meantime, an evil villain has stowedaway on the ship...I guess a lot of this is explained in #16...he comes out of hiding and takes over the rocket. Luckily, Tintin is there to save the day, using only a wrench and a pistol I might add.
Explorers was actually kind of humorous with the Captain continually being the brunt of physical harm type jokes (he must have bashed his head two dozen times!) or the Captain getting drunk on his smuggled whiskey.
Onto #10.


THE SHOOTING STAR - #10

Shooting Star was more like the Tintin I remember of my short stint reading them in my youth. This one was far fetched and was so full of scientific holes it could have been mistaken for swiss cheese, haha. But, that is what made it fun.

An earth shattering juggernaut of a meteorite smashes into the Arctic and causes little damage b/c it lands in the ocean. Tintin and crew decide to go find it on the theory that it contains a new mineral non native to Earth. However, a rival gang has the same idea. Tintin and crew win, of course, however, there is more to this meteor than meets the eye. Strange things happen, like the giant mushroom as pictured on the cover. This fantasy science was one part I found pretty amusing. The race was also full of adventure including a harrowing plane flight. There was also a lot of that repetitive humour (The Captain and his drinking problem the majority of the jokes). Ahh, the perfect Tintin.



GALLOWAY

GALLOWAY
(Sacketts #14)

- Louis L'Amour -

This one started out good, but, then kind of fell apart at the end.

It starts with Flagan Sackett escaping from a tribe of natives who were torturing him and about to kill him. He has the challenge of evading capture from the pursuing natives and surviving the desert...with only the loin cloth he is wearing. He manages to make fire, scratch up some food, and cloth himself all the while staying clear of the Apaches. 

At this point I was into the book. It was a good mix of informative (about the desert plants and such) and suspenseful (would he manage to hide out). I was only hoping nobody would ask what I was reading - a book about this naked guy running through the desert with some natives tracking him and this strange wolf following him too.

After a run in with a guy named Curly, Flagan finds himself back in civilization, being nursed back to health by a nice looking young lady named Meg.

Then the story loses its composure. A lot of things happen in the blink of an eye; Flagan decides he wants to start a ranch in town, Flagan makes some enemies with the local land grabbers, Flagan sends letters to his Sackett kinfolk asking for help, there is a brawl, there is some shootin'...it only took about 100 pages and we have a dozen characters and a few different story lines. The depth of the book was lost at that point. It was still entertaining, especially the brawl. It was classic; the white hat cowboy, being the gentleman, throws the instigating black hat out of the store to save the store owner from having this store messed up...then he beat him to a pulp. How nice of him. 
By the end of the book the bad guys have been shot up and are leaving town except for one who has one last bullet for Flagan. Instead of the fastest draw type shoot out they have a cat and mouse sniper fest up in the mountains. The last few pages were very riveting...who was going to live and who was going to die?

RATING : READ

MEN AT ARMS

MEN AT ARMS

(Discworld #15)

- Terry Pratchett -

The Night Watch is changing. Their leader is leaving. They are recruiting on an equal opportunity basis - Dwarves, Trolls, even Women can apply! They are even seriously attempting to solve a crime! What has the Discworld come to?!

What I like about series books is that you get to be re-introduced to beloved characters you met in previous stories. You get another chance to learn and connect with these characters, to gain a better understanding of them, to spend some quality time with them. This could sound like a literary nightmare if you despise these characters, and you are now forced to endure another tale about them. Luckily, I love the City Watch. They are quirky, and funny, and good hearted (well, except for Nobby). In Men at Arms they continue their streak of being quirky, funny, and good hearted (again, except for Nobby), and I thoroughly enjoyed reading about them.

What really stood out for me in this novel was how Cpl Carrot seemed to really come into his own. He was confident, he took charge when needed, and even lied! Well, he didn't actually lie, but, he did manipulate his words to imply something else...that's lying, right? It seemed to me that Carrot is beginning to realize just how much power and influence he really has and starting to use it a bit. He has a heart of gold now, but, will this power tarnish it and send him over to the dark side in the future?

There were also a few new recruits which added to the story. A troll and a dwarf, sworn enemies, have to work together...we know where this is going. They'll argue and bicker, but, when the fighting starts they will have each others back. And, just as a spoiler - one of them dies! Yes, a death! It was a bit surprising. The other new recruit is a woman. Not only a woman, but, a woman with a secret. 

So, to sum it up; a Carrot, a dwarf, a troll, and a woman with a secret. With that description you should be out of your seat running to the bookstore to snatch this one up! I will not stop you.

RATING : READ

COOKING DIRTY

COOKING DIRTY

A story of life, sex, love and death in the kitchen

- Jason Sheehan -

Thank goodness Sheehan acknowledged his writing is very similar to Anthony Bourdain (whom I've read a lot of), because at first it comes off like he is just riding the coattails of Bourdain and doing a little copy cat plagiarism type stuff. But, as you read through this book Sheehan's narrative and writing style soon become strikingly different. I can't help but compare this book to Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential. They are both brash, cuss filled, memoirs of kitchen life that highlight the worst possible things that happen behind the scenes of a restaurant. Similar topics include disgusting food handling, drug/alcohol addiction, workplace violence, harsh work conditions, injuries, and just the terrible lifestyle choices that seem to be common place in every kitchen. Even though the topics are almost identical Sheehan's writing is much more personal. He gives us a glimpse into his soul; raw emotions, motivations, passions, and vivid descriptions of his deepest thoughts. He clearly articulated his highest ups and his lowest lows, which I found extremely interesting. His lifestyle, and it appears the lifestyle of almost all cooks, is so far removed from my 9-5 suburban family man life that it is hard to imagine, yet, intriguing to read about. Sheehan explains it all in such a fun and insightful way. Sometimes he is sarcastic and pokes fun at the crazy life he lived, and sometimes he is serious and lays out some heavy stuff. Both styles made me want to keep reading.

Sheehan takes us from the beginning where he stumbled into a dishwasher job, worked his way through the ranks, failed time and time again, then finally burnt out and moved onto food writing. He lets us in the backdoor the restaurant and shows us the strange world that few know about. He writes about the pirate mentality of the kitchen, the comparisons to war and the battlegrounds, the machoism, and the insular world of restaurant workers. He brings up the paradox of how when he was cooking he was so passionate and alive, yet at the same time despised the toll it was taking on his life. Once you get caught up in the work there is no other life outside the kitchen. I found it a bit surprising, and sad, that for a decade or more Sheehan seemed to have only dysfunctional relationships with everything and everyone (his job, his girlfriends, his family) due to the demands and lifestyle of a cook.

Finishing up this book I'm left with a greater insight (and respect) for those who work the grills and fryers of every restaurant. How it does take a different sort of character to work the odd hours and every holiday that most of us take for granted. It also leaves me with a guilty feeling that I do not want my children going into the 'food services' industry and be caught up in the strange (and very unhealthy) lifestyle that seems to go along with it. However, I would encourage them to read about it and would even buy them this book.

RATING: READ*

*Must read non-fiction book and Read before you die rating as well. In other words, I really really liked this book and you should too!

LORDS AND LADIES

LORDS AND LADIES

(Discworld #14)

- Terry Pratchett -

As per the author's note - this book builds off of a previous Discworld 'witches' book (Witches Abroad). I believe if you can pick up on the small carry over of Magrat being tentatively engaged to King Verence you have no worries about being lost, other than the usual feelings of being lost when you immerse yourself in Pratchett's Discworld.

The whole love and marriage theme continued through this novel, extending its claws into all of the witches. Nanny Ogg, no surprise (as evidenced by her four or five previous husbands). BUT, even Granny fell prey to love, even if it was just for a few brief moments. And, although it may sound like a cuddly, soft, lovey-dovey tale, it was in fact one of the crudest books to date - b/c along with marriage comes the wedding night! 

I swear, if I read another variant of the naive bride and groom's wedding night...I'll...most likely laugh. However, on top of that (forgive the pun) there are jokes about the unicorn (and the size of his horn), the long man hill, books on marital...er, martial arts, and the culturally insignificant stick and bucket dance (not to be performed in the company of the fairer sex).

Pratchett managed to tie these varied subjects (along with string theory) in with the plot of grinning elves attempting to take over the world. After reading this book you will never look at elves the same again. What's behind that constant grin anyway?

Granny and the girls, along with help from some Wizards (and the Librarian) do end up wiping the smirk off the face of the elves in a very exciting finish. Every then lives happily ever after, or so it seems.

I was actually a bit surprised by the depth of character development in this book. There was the usual one liners and non-sequitur conversations that are light and funny, but, there was also a lot of background brought up about the witches younger life. I especially found Granny's love life history, her decision to become a witch, and her true feeling about Magrat, very revealing and interesting. To me, it really gave her character a lot more depth that was missing from previous books. This character building does mean that every line is not a funny, not some cute play on words, or a pun filled paradox, like most of the other Discworld books have been. However, it did seem a bit more rewarding to read this, number 14, than many of the others before it.

My one complain is not about the writing, but, about technology. I read an ebook format which removed the footnotes from the bottom of the page and filed them away in the back. I guess the idea is that you can push on the footnote number and hyperlink your way back to the footnote. Great idea. Who wants to read the footnotes in a book anyway? Well, I do! Especially in these books! They add an extra layer of humour and sometimes it is the funniest thing on a page! The problem - the hyperlinking doodad did not work on my reader, therefore, I couldn't conveniently read any of the footnotes (until I was finished the book if you want to be technical). On top of that, the battery ran out, it froze, the screen had a layer of jam on it from my kid's sticky fingers playing with 'Daddy's Toy' which they know not to touch, and the formatting of the breaks made reading conversations hard...and this is the future of books? I love technology.

RATING : READ

THE ANDROID'S DREAM

THE ANDROID'S DREAM

- John Scalzi -

I had been meaning to read Scalzi for awhile now. From all of the praise I had heard about him I thought his writing style would be an ideal match for my reading, er, style. And, it turned out to be about 5/8 on. I did enjoy some of the tounge-in-cheek comments sprinkled throughout the book. I liked the satirical takes on politics. I liked the futuristic ideas he made up. I ended up liking the serious action scenes.

Oh so many things on the 'like' side.

Any check marks on the 'dislike' side. Yes. The actual story.

I ended up filing this one away under my 'did not meet expectations' folder. I found the story a bit too confusing, mostly b/c there were a lot of similar characters. We had some FBI, we had some Dept of Defense, we had some White House folk...essentially they all played the same role (face of Earth's government) and they all had generic names like Phillip or Robert. I could not keep them straight.

I do have to say that Scalzi did a pretty good job at 'world building', creating a whole universe of alien creatures and a new kind of planetary UN system. That was the highlight of the book for me.
The humour was there but, for me, was lacking. When it did come up it was a lot of tongue-in-cheek type stuff that was...subtle...weak...not all that funny. For eg. the plot revolves around a race of aliens that can communicate by scent. They become offended by one character who has a fart machine installed into his body which lets out gas that conveys insulting messages to these aliens. Haha, a smart body function joke. Then we have a scene in a mall where bodies are smashing through windows with, wait for it, signs that super Nike shoes are 33% off. Again, funny and subtle.

However, for most of the book I just felt lost. I could not follow the characters, I wasn't laughing (that much or that hard), and the overall plot did not interest me. I would say, it is a smart sci-fi book with a dive into DNA and artificial intelligence, but, was overall a lackluster novel for me.

Perhaps, if I try Scalzi again, I will go with his much hyped (and award winning) Old Man's War, instead of just randomly grabbing any of his titles off the library rack.



RATING : DO NOT READ

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

- EL James -

I started this book for the sole purpose of being able to chat about it around the water cooler. About a year ago it seemed that everyone was reading this book, and being a self proclaimed 'bookworm' it was almost a requirement to be up to date on the most popular book in a generation. So, I started it June 12th, 2012...it has taken me almost a year (and 50 odd books later) to finish it. That should speak (metaphorical) volumes about the writing. I'm still left wondering why millions of people read THIS book?

To help you out, I will outline all of the important points of the book...so, you do not have to read it, but, can still be part of the conversation if it were ever to come up again.

1) A bright budding College grad, named Anastasia, has a chance encounter with hard nose business guru Christian Grey. She ends up giving him what nobody else seems to be able to give him - a challenge, a fight, some backtalk...this interests him.

2) He pursues her on the sly. It seems an unlikely thing as he is a man-of-the-moment business celebrity and she is a volkswagen drivin', converse shoe wearin', college girl.

3) Against the odds they 'hook up'...and it's mindblowing...and graphic!

4) They continue the mindblowing 'stuff' and it turns kinky...here is where the GREY TIE comes in. It's silk. He ties her hands to a bedpost.

5) Christian then shows her his 'playroom' which has all sorts of whips, chains, and torturous sounding things...against all logic Anastasia stays.

6) Now comes the CONTRACT. Yes, there is a contract written up on exactly what Anastasia is expected to do. Mirroring Christian Grey's personality, it is very controlling, right down to what she can eat, how much she is to sleep...again, against all common sense Anastasia signs.

7) Kinky things happen; whips, spankings...I guess a look into the world of S&M (sic, not sure of the exact term?)

8) There is a lot of repetition, not to be too graphic, but, yes on that front, and on the 'relationship' part. The typical, "does he love me or does he love me not?" is in endless cycle here.

9) Finally at the end Anastasia gives up trying to live this extreme life and comes to the conclusion that Grey is beyond help.

There's a quick outline of the book. If you find yourself in a conversation about this book just remember to blurt out the key words - "contract", "grey tie", or "playroom" and I have no doubts that someone will take that topic and run with it. 

I found at many points throughout the book the writing was very bland and mediocre; both the prose and the actual plot. Which is what left me wondering what the buzz was all about? Really, the only thing that made this book different than a cheap paperback romance was the graphic sex scenes. The characters did not seem all that believable, with the exception of Mr. Grey - he was a well written character who did come across as truly controlling and messed up to the nines.

If you never get around to reading this book don't worry about it, you are not missing too much.

RATING: DO NOT READ

THE RACKETEER

THE RACKETEER

- John Grisham -

This was another Grisham book handed down to me by my in-laws. Yes, they like Grisham...and I do too! Which is a bonus for me since I never have to buy a Grisham book, or take a smelly old one out of the library, and I always have the newest one sitting on my shelf. So, thank you in-laws.

I'm going to start from the end of this book, since The Racketeer ends on such a high note. The entire novel comes together in the last fifty pages and that last chunk of the book you are speed reading and thinking over and over again, 'aaah, I should have guessed this would happen'. Of course, I am not going to tell you exactly what happens, but, I will say Grisham does a spectacular job of sending the reader down one road only to be veered of course to another, and finally ending up on yet another road. If you follow my directions, the story takes three turns - three unexpected turns...at least I didn't see them coming.

It starts off with a southern lawyer complaining about the prison system. Typical Grisham novel so far. This lawyer, however, is the one in prison (innocent, or so he says). He claims to have some information on a high profile murder of a Judge and will give it up if he is given a get out of jail free card. Once out of prison the plot thickens; his story changes, another murderer is found, he goes into hiding from the FBI, there is a treasure trove of millions of dollars on the line...it gets a bit complex at one point, but, by the end the entire story makes sense. You almost want to read it again, just to see how many hidden hints are given along the way.

It kind of reminded me of The Runaway Jury, when you find out at the end the extreme lenghts they went to get someone on the jury to take down the gun industry. The Racketeer is like that. Starts out simple. It appears this lawyer just wants to get out of jail. Not, get out of jail, get others out of jail, 'steal' millions of dollars, trick the FBI, save the planet, cure cancer...you get the idea that I'm trying to say the story gets big.

Overall, highly enjoyable read. If you've like other Grisham books, you'll like this one too.

RATING: READ

*My only complaint is that I read the hardcover edition. Not only is it big, bulky, and awkward, when you take the dust cover off the book is a bland grey...and easily stains when you spill tea on it. But, really can you complain about free?

If you liked this review, or Grisham books in general, I've read a couple in the last year or so, see my wonderful reviews:
1) Skipping Christmas
2) The Confession

SMALL GODS

SMALL GODS

(Discworld #13)

- Terry Pratchett -

Another wonderful Discworld novel. One of the many Pratchett books that is full of funny from front to back. Terry's writing is bang on with Small Gods; endless one liners, hard hitting (hence, hilarious) satire, and a cast of comedic characters...'onna stick' anyone?

As with other Discworld novels, it's not the actual plot that makes this a book you want to tell your friends about (provided they have a similar sense of humour, mind you), it's the rest. The actual plot involves Brutha having his religion challenged by a small God named Om. Om is a tortoise with one follower -  Brutha. But, the journey (a very mocking journey) through a strict religious order, over the desert, around some philosophers, and back is (as it sounds) very entertaining. It's one of those situation where you take a step back, remove yourself emotionally, and take out that 'critical-eye' magnifying glass you ordered on amazon...and laugh at the absurd way religion, philosophy, and democracy run themselves...add in the 'onna stick' street vendor and you've got some good laughs.

Call your Gods and tell them to tell their followers to read this book.

RATING : READ

HIGH LONESOME

HIGH LONESOME

- Louis L'Amour -

In all of the previous L'Amour books I have read the protagonist is always a straight shootin', law abiding, good-right-down-to-the-last-corner-of-their-heart, hardworking cowboy. This book has an outlaw as the main character. You'd think, quite a change?

No.

As it turns out, in the end this outlaw was just as good hearted as the others. A point that Louis points out various times through the book. It's just the way of the Western Man...you gotta love it.

As I mentioned above we have a bank robber. Him and a posse of similar criminals plan to rob a bank that has never been robbed before. The untouchable bank. One located in a town where their civic pride is that their bank has never been robbed. The entire population's second job is to keep watch over this bank...ok, maybe not that far, but, you get the point. This is an impossible mission.

However, there is one weakness: the Sheriff. Him and this bank robber, Considine, were once friends but are now on either side of the law...and they both fought over the same woman. Considine uses this to his advantage. He rides into town, picks a fist fight with the Sheriff and draws a crowd, thereby distracting everyone from the bank, which can now be robbed.

The plan works and the outlaws get away. Then comes the travel through the desert, which I think is L'Amour specialty, where upon they come across some tracks. Turns out there is a young lady and her Father being followed by Apache.

What are the outlaws to do?

Keep running from the law or risk death and capture by staying to help these semi-strangers.

Any decent Western Man would stay.

The ending in this one is great, full of action and suspense...and a bit of a surprise. Definitely ended on a high note. Almost makes you sad when you turn that last page.

RATING : READ

BRAIN RULES FOR BABIES

BRAIN RULES FOR BABIES

How to Raise a Smart and Happy Child from Zero to Five

- John Medina -

Just one of the numerous parenting books I've read - first since having our third. So, I consider myself an old hat at the parenting book game. I found this one refreshing and different, yet not overly original on the parenting front.

What makes this book different from the wall of parenting books at the library? This book takes an indepth scientific look at the brain. Medina is a brain scientist guy (neuroscientist?), so it makes sense.

This book delves deep into the nitty-gritty details of how baby brains are made; neurons, systosebisistis (or some similar scientific word)...how all the grey matter connects, how long it actually takes, and what we can do to make things work better. Medina does a great job of taking these very complex topics and putting them into understandable, 'layman's terms'. He throws in some relevant personal anecdotes and research findings (peer reviewed and trustworthy research only).

Medina attempted to give a few guiding principles on how to raise a happy and smart child based on the science he knows about brain growth. However, it felt like one of those books that works well in theory, but, might not prove so well in the real world. The guidance was rather generic and broad, taking into account the wide variety of brains (and personalities) we all have. If you are looking for a specific plan this is not your book.

To sum up his theory - you need to give your baby a stressfree and stable environment, while treating them with empathy...something you've probably run across in other books. The only difference is that this book backs up this theory with hard scientific facts on brain behaviour.

For a parenting book it is very readable and very interesting. I would recommend it. Especially if you only plan on reading a handful of books.

RATING : READ

THE EMPTY LAND

THE EMPTY LAND

- Louis L'Amour -

A boom town springs up in the middle the wild west desert, full to bursting with miners, law abiding traders, and also the outlaws that smell the chance to make a quick buck. The opportunity to create a prosperous settlement is threatened by a gang of drifting thugs who do not think twice about using violence to get their way - killing a couple of Marshalls in the process.

There is only one man who can take them on - Matt Colburn. A good hearted, 'street' smart man with a lightning fast draw. The only concern is that he doesn't think twice about shooting to get his way either.

Is he no better than a murderer himself?

I had the feeling L'Amour was posing this tough question to the reader. It would make for a good debate seeing as Colburn ends up using some questionable methods to rid the town of these outlaws, including; killing, fist fighting, public threats and naming/shaming, and of course the *DRAW* gun battles. But, taken into the context of a lawless community this was all fair game, and it did end up working in the end.

After reading a small pile of L'Amour books I have found this one to be the best so far. There was lots of action and cowboy things, but, more importantly there was something deeper - that ethical question of when is it, if ever, ok to kill?

RATING : READ

*I know it is hard, but, you have to get past the covers on these books. I know they are a bit cheesy, but, as the old saying goes 'never judge a book by it's cover'.

SH*T MY DAD SAYS

SH*T MY DAD SAYS

- Justin Halpern - 

A mix of laugh your a$$ off and the realization that your are not the only one in the world with a strange family. There is so much in this book to laugh at and so much to relate to. I'm sure we've all had those moments where we question what our parents say then laugh till you cry with siblings when retelling it later. Halpern has a great way of sharing his moments like this with us through short stories and straight up quotes. I think it also helps that his Dad uses a lot of profane language.

The 'stuff' his Dad says ranges from almost random thoughts to just annoying jackass sayings. One of the more random quotes I found hilarious was on the topic of lying. It went something like, son do not lie. The worst thing is to be a liar, well actually being a Nazi is worse. So, first being a Nazi, but, then being a liar.

I also laughed so hard at the scene where Halpern's Dad makes a jackass out of himself. It starts off at baseball practice when some kid comes up to Halpern and says, 'my Dad says your Dad is an a*****'.  Halpern is just about to defend his Dad when he is hit hard in the shins by a ball. "Get your head outta your a$$ and pay attention!" The voice - his Father. The ball that hit his shin, on purpose - from his Father. Great timing Dad!

By then end of the book you are left sore from laughing and, strangely, filled with a sense of admiration for Halpern's Dad. Even though he is sometimes a hard ass who should think before he talks it's very apparent he always has the best intentions in mind and truly loves his kids.

RATING : READ

*If you liked this book you may also like : Tuesday with Morrie and Medium Raw. That is the sh*t my library website says. Which is true, I read both and like them.